Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/surprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML
Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML
Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML
Today, knowing my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me with a local girl, I decided to make a surprise visit to confront him by showing up to his home. Both of them answered the door. My boyfriend claimed to not know me, and threatened to call the cops. I ended up back at the airport in tears. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by showing up at her apartment early. I climbed through her bedroom window, holding flowers. I got the wrong window. Some old man screamed, hit me with a broom, and called the cops. FML
Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML
Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
you gave her a scaregasm! oh!
curlsandwhatnot 0
i.. i think i love you
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Comments (71)
Subjectzero 0
there is no way you did not deserve that you stupid ****.
madasahatter 0
Hahaha I'm so glad there are FMLS that make me laugh today! All the new ones on the page were actually worded well and not cliche. I love it! Thank you!
gigi2009 0
You should have still bought it for her.
monster_tamer 11
Kudos to your girlfriend on fast draw-and-shoot skills. XD
anbu4312 0
You kinda sorta really deserved that....lolz you should buy her a taser for next time lol.
amethyst42 0
Things I have learned from reading FML: 1. Scaring people on purpose is almost always a bad idea. 2. Making comments about other peoples appearance/clothes/habits etc to the person next to you usually ends up biting you in the ass.
DameGreyWulf 1
Cute idea, but at the same time not very smart. Well, at least you two have something to joke about now.
1234five 0
This doesn't make since. If she's your long distance girlfriend and u hadn't seen her for a while, why the hell would she be walking her dog and not waiting for you at the airport?!?!?!
im_a_dinosaur 0
hahahaha good point
toink 0
Buy her a revolver.
stairshurtz 0
Owned