Powerful left foot

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

Free kick

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

Not sporty

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

Headshot

Today, I was walking around in a park when I passed some kids playing soccer. One of them kicked the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily, I caught the ball, then I drop-kicked it, intending to say, "Go get it." Instead, it bounced off a nearby tree and hit me in the face. FML

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

Mythbusters

Today, while trying to prove how easy it would be for a burglar to break in, my drunk dad threw a brick at my window. Luckily, he missed. It hit the wall and bounced off. Unluckily, it bounced off, landed on my wife’s car, broke the windscreen, slid off, and put a long scratch down the bonnet. FML

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

Lee Trevi-not

Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML