Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the... - FML

By powerless - 14/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 108

Broken heart

It's a learned behavior

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By Aciliveth - 10/06/2010 16:07 - Canada

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 012

You deserved it 4 431

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 622

You deserved it 6 996

By wherefelix - 03/07/2009 08:01 - United States

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 039

You deserved it 9 470

By dasteve - 29/11/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I won $20 on a scratch ticket my grandma bought me. She wants it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 2 849

By Lewis - 04/09/2010 11:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 199

You deserved it 34 325

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 246

You deserved it 5 220

By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Spicy

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 435

You deserved it 9 393

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 15:54 - Australia - Perth

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 689

You deserved it 4 819

The best of times, the worst of times

By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 02/09/2020 20:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 117

By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 155

You deserved it 724

By Milly - 30/01/2011 19:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 488

You deserved it 4 064

By Anony Mous - 20/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 691

You deserved it 4 820

By Claire - 19/01/2013 13:51 - United States - Parkville

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 146

You deserved it 7 240

By jamienicole1993 - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Savannah

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 355

You deserved it 3 241

By Noname - 05/03/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 372

You deserved it 4 029

By walker - 04/10/2009 21:33 - United States

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 792

You deserved it 3 801

By sciencenat - 14/01/2016 06:36 - France - V?lizy-villacoublay

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 824

You deserved it 5 078

By Dj sMoZ! - 15/02/2011 15:30

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 452

You deserved it 43 461

By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 329

You deserved it 2 564

By Smokey9 - 25/07/2011 15:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 573

You deserved it 62 396

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Spicy

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 398

You deserved it 32 524

By That Guy - 01/11/2014 12:58 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 542

You deserved it 14 179

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 894

You deserved it 7 233

By thenewgirl29 - 05/02/2015 16:42 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 487

You deserved it 4 203

Blind love

By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 482

You deserved it 207

By fuckyoutoo - 24/03/2013 23:47 - Canada - Armstrong

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 228

You deserved it 9 589

Chuds

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 13:58

Today, at my retail job, I was trying to get a large amount of cardboard to the trash and had a short path to maneuver through displays and customers. As I'm coming down the aisle, a customer sees me and stops to look at a coffee cup display, directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 78

By spitball101 - 12/01/2014 05:26 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 567

You deserved it 4 925

By mat - 21/01/2009 06:02 - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 2 594

By single - 01/07/2011 09:12 - China

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 774

You deserved it 4 503

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 02:02 - United States

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 5 215

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:04 - United States - Placentia

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 911

You deserved it 29 320

Epitaph

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 14:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend to honestly tell me if I had become overweight. He replied that yes, I had, but that it was OK because I was his "Lumpy Space Princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 1 291

By itsjustnotfair - 05/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 318

You deserved it 2 537

By Dafawk - 19/06/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 239

You deserved it 6 449

By So little trust. - 12/07/2013 23:18 - Canada - Coaldale

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 379

You deserved it 7 624

By Anonymous - 20/02/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 797

You deserved it 4 998

By anonymous - 06/11/2010 21:08 - Canada

Today, I found out that a street performer makes more money than I do. I have a full time job at the bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 340

You deserved it 4 012

By Me - 26/11/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 486

You deserved it 3 339

Trial and mainly error

By unlucky - 13/11/2011 05:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 523

You deserved it 4 513

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Top comments

AstroTurf Matador 8

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Wednesday 14 August 2019 7:39

Um, you just did. What are you confused about?

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 7:39

You mean why traffic was so light that you could get up to that speed on your commute? Or why your car wasn’t hit by a basketball, baseball or American football since those sports are more popular than soccer? Mysteries abound!

Comments

AstroTurf Matador 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 7:39

Um, you just did. What are you confused about?

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 7:39

You mean why traffic was so light that you could get up to that speed on your commute? Or why your car wasn’t hit by a basketball, baseball or American football since those sports are more popular than soccer? Mysteries abound!

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 9:52

Soccer is gaining popularity here in the US.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 15:55

Aw, you made the rookie mistake of taking me seriously. I know that soccer has long been the #1 participation sport in America. It’s popularity as a spectator sport is plodding along slowly in the US.

Send a private message

Thursday 15 August 2019 4:38

You always funny👍I like your comments😆

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 August 2019 9:53

Where did the soccer ball come from? Was there a park or a playground off the side of the highway?

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Thursday 15 August 2019 0:19

Could've fallen off a truck too. My old job once had their work ladder fall off on the freeway.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 15 August 2019 3:09

If you drove under a bridge, someone could have thrown it off the side into traffic. If you passed a park or something, it could have come from a game being played there. Or it could have fallen out of a car in front of you. Mystery solved. Sort of. Hope you didn't crash/cause a pile-up.

Mungolikecandy 19

Thursday 15 August 2019 7:22

A soccer ball hit my car when I was doing 75mph on the freeway. There you go, it is nice and easy to explain.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 57