Animals, Contraception and Birds: Polly wants it

Polly wants it

By Kelly - 23/07/2020 02:01

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 178

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Same thing different taste

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 093

You deserved it 5 860

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 180

You deserved it 9 258

By Zannanana - 30/10/2018 05:00

Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 735

You deserved it 325

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 540

You deserved it 3 364

By Moanie - 15/03/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 352

You deserved it 29 505

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 483

By Sarah - 18/07/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 466

You deserved it 7 695

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 244

You deserved it 400

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 408

You deserved it 4 384

kfchicken 31

Thursday 23 July 2020 7:40

animals are much less picky than humans, you're comparing apples and oranges dont get too down.

trashcan_man 16

Saturday 25 July 2020 17:22

Its a personal rule for me to never **** a fugly parrot.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 23 July 2020 3:39

She's probably a better conversationalist than you.

babadgirl 6

Friday 24 July 2020 23:48

How rude.

kfchicken 31

Thursday 23 July 2020 7:40

animals are much less picky than humans, you're comparing apples and oranges dont get too down.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 23 July 2020 16:03

Male parrots don't care if female parrots are fugly, but male humans do.

trashcan_man 16

Saturday 25 July 2020 17:22

Its a personal rule for me to never **** a fugly parrot.

Jillian Cosby-Kelly 15

Saturday 25 July 2020 22:10

really hoping this is only because the owner has trained the bird in free flight, and does so with other greys.

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Polly wants it

Same thing different taste

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