Intimacy and Geek: Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

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Dangling modifier

Roommate from hell

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By crazycat - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

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By Charity Taylor

Totally worth it

Today, after 8 years of being guinea-pigged for medical testing that "might work" on my ribcage for chronic pain, I finally caved and tried going to a pain clinic. The doctors' responses mostly consisted of, "That's weird" and, "That doesn't make any sense." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML

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By addicted2v - United States

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

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By michelle - France

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to a seminar about non-prejudice and acceptance. I spent the whole time being made fun of because of my pink shirt. FML

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By Jasmine - United States - Sacramento

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

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By Luckless

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

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By Alycat

Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML

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By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

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By gimp. - United States

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

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By god - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

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By gonkc - United States

Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

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By KittyKat - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

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By Mattrd - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

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By TheHarvardian - United States - Ft Mitchell

Sneaky

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

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By Tickdick - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

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By Glassjaw - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

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By Puggle1019

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

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By Sharibabi65 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

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By noraidk - United States

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

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By twowords - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

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By Sarcasmo - United States - Madison

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

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By Myriam - United States

Today, my friend asked me if she could borrow my laptop and I can pick it up later and I said ok. I stop by her house later and no one answers. The next-door neighbor says that she left to go live with her mom. She lives in Detroit. I live in Maine. FML

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By Jesse - United States

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

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By fishyrael

What he is thinking?

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

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By BuspassBob - United States

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

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By nick - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

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By anon - United States - Bloomington

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Freshman blues

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

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By blackedout - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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Top comments

By Zekfen | 17

#7693418 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:26

Was this before or after you asked your girlfriend to dress up as a loli?

By mike3775 | 32

#7693403 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:05

Easy solution is to do your own laundry

COMMENTS

By mike3775 | 32

#7693403 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:05

Easy solution is to do your own laundry

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693588 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:32

I do my own laundry, but sometimes my mom will take it out of the dryer and fold it for me, just as I do for her. It’s called being considerate.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7693679 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:34

Hopefully your mother is also considerate enough to knock.

Reply

mike3775 | 32

#7693878 - Saturday 15 September 2018 15:32

When my kids leave their stuff in the dryer, I fold it and leave it in the utility room. If I do take it to their rooms, and the door is shut, I always knock first and wait for a response.

By Zekfen | 17

#7693418 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:26

Was this before or after you asked your girlfriend to dress up as a loli?

Reply

pjsr | 32

#7693421 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:43

C’mon, you know he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7693680 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:35

He’s referring to the other FML.

By pjsr | 32

#7693424 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:46

Sorry son, but the boner don’t lie.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693426 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:48

I'm only pressing YDI for not telling us what anime you were watching.

By yarani | 26

#7693448 - Friday 14 September 2018 16:47

Which, let's face it, you likely are.

By Abbusser | 9

#7693473 - Friday 14 September 2018 17:44

I thought Anime pretty much WAS cartoon porn...

Reply

lexos | 16

#7693528 - Friday 14 September 2018 20:06

That's hentai, shows like Pokémon are also anime.

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693591 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:33

And, while it’s not technically anime, the original Teen Titans was influenced by anime.

By weaboo | 12

#7693491 - Friday 14 September 2018 18:55

I fell you bro

By Katrina Ashton | 2

#7693516 - Friday 14 September 2018 19:49

Maybe do your OWN “fresh laundry” instead of your mommy doing it.

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693594 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:34

Or OP’s mom was being nice and finishing it so she could do hers? My mom and I will do each other’s laundry occasionally because it’s the nice thing to do.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7693546 - Friday 14 September 2018 20:30

Well did you like like the groping scene?

By DraftHail614 | 17

#7693614 - Friday 14 September 2018 22:09

Pft. Weeb.