Intimacy and Geek: Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

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Season finale

Walk on the wild side

Be the hero

By doubleCoupon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, I went to the store to buy a phone I saw last week. I looked around a little first, then continued to the electronics section. I couldn't find the phone I saw, so I went to leave. Halfway to the exit, I was detained by security and grilled for ages over my "suspicious behaviour". FML

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By schwange - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

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By :-O

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

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By crapgirl - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

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By embarrassed4life - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML

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By What the fuck, son? - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Englewood

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

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By xCZ75x - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

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By elliekilroy - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - York

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

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By benjamin03 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

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By sherryberry2013 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Katy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

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By Brett meek - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

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By CarrieBerrie - 14/8/2020 17:01

Fire in the hole!

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

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By Stigmamma - 28/6/2020 05:06

Taking advantage

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

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By Aaron - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

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By Ashley J. - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

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By baconandkittens - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

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By Anonymous

Definitely done that

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

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By Klepto - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

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By notbrowsingnow - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

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By StinkyDogs - United States

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

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By EosHelios - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

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By WTF - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

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By RiceCrispyTreats - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

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By 404 justice not found - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

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By dating a moron - United States - Dearborn

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

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By Boyufd - 30/7/2020 23:01

The Dark Knight

Today, I noticed my acne scars are almost forming the Batman symbol. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

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By baconlady - United States

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

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By oops999 - United States - Downingtown

Sounds hot

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

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By douglisk1994 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

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Top comments

By Zekfen | 17

#7693418 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:26

Was this before or after you asked your girlfriend to dress up as a loli?

By mike3775 | 32

#7693403 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:05

Easy solution is to do your own laundry

COMMENTS

By mike3775 | 32

#7693403 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:05

Easy solution is to do your own laundry

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 34

#7693588 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:32

I do my own laundry, but sometimes my mom will take it out of the dryer and fold it for me, just as I do for her. It’s called being considerate.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7693679 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:34

Hopefully your mother is also considerate enough to knock.

Reply

mike3775 | 32

#7693878 - Saturday 15 September 2018 15:32

When my kids leave their stuff in the dryer, I fold it and leave it in the utility room. If I do take it to their rooms, and the door is shut, I always knock first and wait for a response.

By Zekfen | 17

#7693418 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:26

Was this before or after you asked your girlfriend to dress up as a loli?

Reply

pjsr | 32

#7693421 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:43

C’mon, you know he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7693680 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:35

He’s referring to the other FML.

By pjsr | 32

#7693424 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:46

Sorry son, but the boner don’t lie.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693426 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:48

I'm only pressing YDI for not telling us what anime you were watching.

By yarani | 26

#7693448 - Friday 14 September 2018 16:47

Which, let's face it, you likely are.

By Abbusser | 9

#7693473 - Friday 14 September 2018 17:44

I thought Anime pretty much WAS cartoon porn...

Reply

lexos | 16

#7693528 - Friday 14 September 2018 20:06

That's hentai, shows like Pokémon are also anime.

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 34

#7693591 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:33

And, while it’s not technically anime, the original Teen Titans was influenced by anime.

By weaboo | 12

#7693491 - Friday 14 September 2018 18:55

I fell you bro

By Katrina Ashton | 2

#7693516 - Friday 14 September 2018 19:49

Maybe do your OWN “fresh laundry” instead of your mommy doing it.

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 34

#7693594 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:34

Or OP’s mom was being nice and finishing it so she could do hers? My mom and I will do each other’s laundry occasionally because it’s the nice thing to do.

By DraftHail614 | 17

#7693614 - Friday 14 September 2018 22:09

Pft. Weeb.

By alainopotato | 20

#7693773 - Saturday 15 September 2018 8:57

I know it was probably just a preposition mistake... but she thinks YOU are IN cartoon porn? What gave her that impression?