Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 09:00 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

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British Broadcasting Corporation

Headache

Time for the ER

By Anonymous - 27/4/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

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By oconron - 6/3/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By CatLover<3 - 18/6/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

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By ViviMage - 11/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was nearly T-Boned at a stop sign by my ex-roommate. I moved 10 miles away to get away from her after her midlife crisis, and her losing the house, and now avoid her end of town. She now works outside my apartment. FML

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

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By anonymous - 14/7/2012 05:06 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

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By firefly02255 - 1/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Bullseye

Today, some troopers forced my family out of our house with no shoes or enough clothing. Even the baby was half naked. We were told we can't go back for at least another 12 hours. Why? Because my mental neighbor was shooting at the house. FML

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By creepyguy - 26/12/2009 12:06 - Australia

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

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By mikki_arlert - 8/10/2016 05:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

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By Nursr187 - 21/1/2018 15:00

Today, my wife asked me to back up all the photos and videos from our desktop computer so I synced it with my Google account. Every graphic picture and video my wife and I have ever exchanged was sent to all 3 of our children's tablets. My daughter cried all night. FML

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By jennag5 - 24/3/2012 06:45 - Canada - Claresholm

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

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By embarrassed - 4/1/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

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By nothanks - 22/8/2010 13:42 - United States

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

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By MrTandy - 16/9/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 01:30

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2019 18:00

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

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By MSURebel70 - 16/7/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

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By asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

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By itsjustwill - 17/1/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

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By ournhd - 13/11/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

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By kfenton - 29/9/2012 11:16 - United States

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

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By NotAThief - 14/8/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but hey were out so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML

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By illjustlimpthen - 25/10/2012 02:44 - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

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By ssydneyy - 17/7/2012 19:47 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

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By Unfortunate Painter - 23/11/2012 02:56 - United States - Merced

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

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By thatsucks - 30/12/2011 09:39

Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML

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By NotTalented - 16/12/2013 03:44 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

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By beardedlady - 2/7/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

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By jquaw - 28/9/2014 17:12 - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2019 16:00

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

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By facepalming all the way - 19/7/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2010 19:50 - United States

Today, while I was backing out of the my work's parking lot, I hit my boss's truck. While he was in it. FML

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By cookie_lover_xx - 15/10/2015 06:24 - United States - Chandler

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

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By jhulich - 24/12/2013 20:48 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

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By pickle - 20/9/2019 06:01

Ouch!

Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML

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By treegirl - 26/7/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

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By daddysboy123 - 6/8/2009 15:40 - United States

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

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By nitrok - 8/6/2017 22:00

Today, I started driving with Lyft to fill the time until my new job starts next month. On my very first fare, my car died. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2013 11:36 - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

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Top comments

By Zekfen | 17

#7693418 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:26

Was this before or after you asked your girlfriend to dress up as a loli?

By mike3775 | 32

#7693403 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:05

Easy solution is to do your own laundry

Comments

By mike3775 | 32

#7693403 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:05

Easy solution is to do your own laundry

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693588 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:32

I do my own laundry, but sometimes my mom will take it out of the dryer and fold it for me, just as I do for her. It’s called being considerate.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7693679 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:34

Hopefully your mother is also considerate enough to knock.

Reply

mike3775 | 32

#7693878 - Saturday 15 September 2018 15:32

When my kids leave their stuff in the dryer, I fold it and leave it in the utility room. If I do take it to their rooms, and the door is shut, I always knock first and wait for a response.

By Zekfen | 17

#7693418 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:26

Was this before or after you asked your girlfriend to dress up as a loli?

Reply

pjsr | 32

#7693421 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:43

C’mon, you know he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#7693680 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:35

He’s referring to the other FML.

By pjsr | 32

#7693424 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:46

Sorry son, but the boner don’t lie.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7693426 - Friday 14 September 2018 15:48

I'm only pressing YDI for not telling us what anime you were watching.

By yarani | 26

#7693448 - Friday 14 September 2018 16:47

Which, let's face it, you likely are.

By Abbusser | 9

#7693473 - Friday 14 September 2018 17:44

I thought Anime pretty much WAS cartoon porn...

Reply

lexos | 16

#7693528 - Friday 14 September 2018 20:06

That's hentai, shows like Pokémon are also anime.

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693591 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:33

And, while it’s not technically anime, the original Teen Titans was influenced by anime.

By weaboo | 12

#7693491 - Friday 14 September 2018 18:55

I fell you bro

By Katrina Ashton | 2

#7693516 - Friday 14 September 2018 19:49

Maybe do your OWN “fresh laundry” instead of your mommy doing it.

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7693594 - Friday 14 September 2018 21:34

Or OP’s mom was being nice and finishing it so she could do hers? My mom and I will do each other’s laundry occasionally because it’s the nice thing to do.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7693546 - Friday 14 September 2018 20:30

Well did you like like the groping scene?

By DraftHail614 | 17

#7693614 - Friday 14 September 2018 22:09

Pft. Weeb.