Horse Riding Fail

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 34

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 134

Horse Riding Fail

By FML Videos - 23/09/2018 00:30

I don't do surprises.

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 231

Taking stock

Good kid

Keep your distance

02/09/2012 22:31

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 7 335

17/08/2014 16:40

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 437

You deserved it 6 714

08/08/2009 09:35

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 119

You deserved it 2 961

23/01/2013 19:33

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 272

You deserved it 3 741

10/10/2015 04:33

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 246

You deserved it 5 052

26/05/2009 09:18

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 603

You deserved it 3 806

19/05/2013 06:30

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 808

You deserved it 5 285

Horoscopes are horseshit

By Fuck horoscopes. - 26/05/2021 17:01

Today, my (ex)girlfriend broke up with me because she read the horoscope and it stated that people of the Aquarius sign are toxic and emotionally volatile. I am Aquarius and did nothing wrong to my friends or family as far as I can recall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 64

26/05/2015 06:54

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 196

You deserved it 51 354

Bye bye Bambi

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 19:59

Today, I hit two deer at the same time on my way to work around 50 mph. They jumped out of the bushes last minute, leaving me zero time to react. I waited a full year to get this truck, shopped around to get what I wanted, and it's my "dream truck". I've only had it for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 99

24/08/2009 04:49

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 452

You deserved it 47 706

14/03/2015 04:27

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 835

You deserved it 8 301

26/09/2014 23:58

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 653

You deserved it 6 605

26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 253

You deserved it 1 003

21/06/2009 02:00

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 080

You deserved it 17 184

21/08/2010 17:25

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 891

You deserved it 3 706

04/06/2013 20:31

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 874

You deserved it 4 631

23/10/2011 21:16

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 551

You deserved it 3 551

28/01/2009 23:02

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 773

You deserved it 5 133

11/09/2015 23:50

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 378

You deserved it 1 829

13/05/2016 03:46

Today, I took my binder on a short road trip two hours away from my home, so that I could study for my upcoming finals. When I got home, I realized I that had left my binder all the way there, containing my notes, classwork, homework, finals notes, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 934

You deserved it 3 742

18/06/2009 13:32

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 236

You deserved it 62 170

31/01/2009 05:37

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 370

You deserved it 3 462

18/01/2009 02:55

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 127

You deserved it 2 482

16/07/2011 23:09

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 847

You deserved it 46 168

03/01/2012 08:14

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 781

You deserved it 2 479

16/07/2016 15:16

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 471

You deserved it 1 143

25/06/2011 07:47

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 640

You deserved it 2 973

Awkwaaaaaard

By Why - 02/04/2014 08:13

Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 548

You deserved it 6 295

03/02/2009 10:47

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 521

You deserved it 13 568

14/08/2011 01:17

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 113

You deserved it 4 775

28/08/2018 15:00

Today, while preparing to move into my dorm, I received two e-mails from the campus police. The first stated that there had been 76 overdoses from a synthetic drug reported around campus this week and the second said there had been a stabbing on campus this morning. Happy back to school to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 147

29/12/2010 23:32

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 065

You deserved it 5 756

Work > Love

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 02:01

Today, four months after my crush told me he liked me, a day ago he told me he’d lose his job if he dates me, so he's now blocked me and avoids me when we work together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 95

11/02/2016 22:18

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 362

You deserved it 1 604

31/01/2014 16:36

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 839

You deserved it 4 521

03/09/2012 09:37

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 1 954

07/12/2018 07:30

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 270

You deserved it 207

06/02/2010 09:29

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 043

You deserved it 5 906

25/03/2019 14:00

Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 305

You deserved it 185

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Top comments

EggyDogger 13

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Sunday 23 September 2018 2:22

That’s how you put a hood on

Charlie Given 24

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Sunday 23 September 2018 7:32

Umm this the new hoodie challenge 😂

Comments

Phillycheeze 20

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Sunday 23 September 2018 1:21

Will you boys stop horsing around....!!

EggyDogger 13

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Sunday 23 September 2018 2:22

That’s how you put a hood on

real life problems 26

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Sunday 23 September 2018 5:49

Thats not how you catch a pokemon. Should have beat it down near death and used a great ball.

Charlie Given 24

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Sunday 23 September 2018 7:32

Umm this the new hoodie challenge 😂