Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML
Today, I forgot my Lana Rhoades fleshlight in the bathroom sink without the lid on it because I was letting it dry. When my mother-in-law came over she saw it and just told me there was something in the sink. It’s so awkward now. FML
Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Ha! Your mom is the dumb one. If your DIY ***** was any good, you wouldn't need to find any human dicks. Logic!
ODBeefalo 10
if that IS what you choose to do... enjoy, and invest in good condoms. people are gross these days and you don't want what people are carrying.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Ha! Your mom is the dumb one. If your DIY ***** was any good, you wouldn't need to find any human dicks. Logic!
Gubbon 17
So I guess it wasn't.
ODBeefalo 10
if that IS what you choose to do... enjoy, and invest in good condoms. people are gross these days and you don't want what people are carrying.
Wadlaen 24
I thought that kind of equipment meant you didn't need any partner, at all, so actually "will only **** herself every night"...
D J's MOM 17
hey, at least you keep it clean.