Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
That's not a drinking fountain? ****, I've been doing this all wrong.
MauriceWinifred 0
and that's why you buy one of those Japanese toilets.
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Comments (115)
persimmon 0
you're stupid.
King_of_Kings 3
I just get my cat to eat them. Just put Midnight down next to it and he will chow down. Oh, and before I get any "but what if the spider is poisonous? you just killed your cat" comments, I am going to save you the trouble by saying now that I do know which spiders are dangerous within my tri-state area. Excuse me, I gotta find Midnight, he needs a snack. - Cheers
fthku 13
Oh how vain you be, Mr. King, how vain you be.
sammyhell 0
Serves you right with your irrational fear. SmallTownCutie, shoot yourself. Ta.
ramboman19 8
Here is what to do in a situation like this. Look under the bathroom sink. There is a 50% chance there is extra rolls under there. If not, well consider yourself ******. :)
momma_jess20 0
ewwww whatd u use??!
marco20 5
u might wanna work on that fear of spiders...
TudorPangal 2
Girls need to stop being so scared of spiders! They're innocent creatures who have done nothing but keep this planet clean of too many unwanted bugs.
EnigmaBitch 5
Spiders last revenge
Lunasis 14
solution? wipe your ass with its intestines while any other spiders nearby cower in fear of violation
Dimondshard27 7
Did you write this at his house? Are you still there? Lol