Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
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Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
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Top comments
Deezknutz 8
How does a duck fly Into your living room?
HKCgrimmjow 15
Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation
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Comments (56)
Deezknutz 8
How does a duck fly Into your living room?
KasiaLilith 13
#1 I assume through the window
jamiejones10 8
Or it escaped from the tub
UrYousername 15
By using its wings.
HKCgrimmjow 15
Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation
LowExpectations 30
I think the bird is just ducking nuts.
Jaaared_ 15
66, is your autocorrect on?
annihil8or 15
72, is your sense of humor on?
Blizztastic21 17
Duck flying into the house..still better paranormal activity than the movies.
Gingerette 8
I would say the girlfriend was trying to make a pun, but it's really loosely related, if she was..
lzmo 20
Wait, what?
killuhand 12
..said the duck
zandalee 19
Then what did the fox say...?
Rainhawk94 27
Shut the front door
UrYousername 15
Paranormal activity isn't all that it's quacked up to be.
justtheotherguy 12
Doesn't that make you feel like a ghost ?
KasiaLilith 13
if it was a rubber ducky, I'd be suspicious too!
iAlissa 34
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think rubber ducks have the ability to shit.
jamiejones10 8
They let out tiny bubbles every now and then
TheAbstract 15
Wouldn't that be passing gas then?
jamiejones10 8
Yes it would
ajh557 22
You've got to be ducking kidding me, that is a quacktasticly strange explanation
iAlissa 34
You tried
BMTHsuperfan 18
It was a good pun up until "quacktasticly"
autotuneyoureyes 2
by definition that is in fact. paranormal. "beyond the rage of normal" activity. yeah...she is sort of right and you're sort of being a jackass.
EmmaMK 35
Lunch does not get much fresher than that!
RedPillSucks 31
I like my lunch not to be still ******** when I'm trying to eat it.
PoofTopComment 4
Did she at least tell you to duck? Get it cause it was a....nevermind
ajh557 22
You posted this 2x jack ass. And it wasn't funny the first