Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
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Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
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Top comments
Deezknutz 8
How does a duck fly Into your living room?
HKCgrimmjow 15
Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation
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Comments (56)
J_Kertz 14
She probably got that from that one movie with the owl that was "based on a true story"... The Fourth Kind?
PoofTopComment 4
Did she at least tell you to duck? Get it? It was a.... Nevermind
Gracemonique3 18
What if shes right?!? Joking if course, I hope she is too
shank39 12
Hey.. It could be.. You never know.
cakefete2 30
Actually, a duck ******** all over the place is pretty normal activity. Now if the duck started talking to you, then I'd call ghostbusters.
Enslaved 36
You sure the OP was talking about the duck that shit and not the girlfriend?
Darkeena 6
I think that's "abnormal activity" not "paranormal activity." :)
sunnyray812 42
My question is how did it get there?
Enslaved 36
She just wanted to play the new drinking game-- Duck, Duck (Grey) Goose. Getting shitfaced wasn't really in the plans.
JMichael 25
Was asking if you got any grapes?
worldclassrager 39
So you are seeing a ghost duck fly around? Paranormal Activity VI here we come! He needs to know the difference between the supernatural and reality...