Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
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Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
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Top comments
Deezknutz 8
How does a duck fly Into your living room?
HKCgrimmjow 15
Paranormal quacktivity is a more likely explanation
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Comments (56)
StompinOnCrayons 15
Duck-blocked
buckdharma 37
If the shit is saucer shaped and blinking then the duck must be the mother ship.
beaverteaser 16
the duckey of dead. hmm sounds like my new screen name
SininenAave 9
Just curious, was it the duck flying into the room, the ******** or the whole experience that your girlfriend referred to as paranormal activity?
LaLince 40
duck her now
LennyComa 39
Tell her to Grow Up? That's what I'd do.
Dark_Stream 29
Goosey goosey gander, Whither shall I wander? Upstairs and downstairs And in my lady's chamber. I may have the ducks and geese mixed up, but I'm not as mixed up as that girlfriend of yours.
nokturn_fml 11
LOL
carelessxdanger 9
she will teach your children well ;)
MsKatieFace 11
Shame it wasn't toilet duck