By dumb dumb - 14/8/2020 14:00

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1539

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Smooth criminal

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

By idiot - United States - Wausau

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8721

You deserved it

2753

Tweet

Share

By eliinu - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15029

You deserved it

909

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58960

You deserved it

3928

Tweet

Share

By WhyMe?

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54038

You deserved it

14957

Tweet

Share

By burningman - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32902

You deserved it

2659

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69438

You deserved it

3570

Tweet

Share

By drop dead single - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39134

You deserved it

4447

Tweet

Share

By eliteslayer29 - United States

Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was "labtop." I didn't learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8442

You deserved it

42785

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/3/2021 08:01

Unfair

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

870

You deserved it

114

Tweet

Share

By bob the builders pissed off daughter - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21881

You deserved it

1383

Tweet

Share

By dessy - United States - San Diego

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick up a few things from the store for him while he was at work. After picking up everything he asked for, I wasn't left with much money so I used $50 from my account. When he got home he then grumbled about me spending all of "his" money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12745

You deserved it

1012

Tweet

Share

By NotTilly - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31019

You deserved it

4209

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 14:02

Imitation is a form of flattery. Or is it?

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1163

You deserved it

161

Tweet

Share

By dsbass09 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38786

You deserved it

5554

Tweet

Share

By Jon - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22476

You deserved it

47275

Tweet

Share

By ThanksForTheWarningDad - United States - Wood River

Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12129

You deserved it

897

Tweet

Share

By Pickle - United States

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we catch some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28156

You deserved it

5298

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46340

You deserved it

4686

Tweet

Share

By whyme - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56378

You deserved it

4447

Tweet

Share

By Molly Lee - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Stay safe

Today, after going to the ophthalmologist, I got some really cute glasses. When I got home, my dad saw them and told me that when he was in high school, they called girls with those glasses BC. When I asked what BC stood for, he said, "Birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1055

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By drfeelgood93 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36778

You deserved it

5040

Tweet

Share

By Laura - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50302

You deserved it

4120

Tweet

Share

By peopleinthepark - United States

Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47864

You deserved it

13406

Tweet

Share

By evanescence - United States

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

74224

You deserved it

9822

Tweet

Share

By SadisticSatire - United States

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16293

You deserved it

39651

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 02:02

Mind your beeswax, Karen

Today, I was carrying some bags out of a store, and my shirt had scooted up a little. I had no free hands, so I ignored it. A woman stopped me to tell me that bare midriffs are only attractive on skinny girls, "not fat ones." I'm 6 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1643

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By aianmoo16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a mini arcade and accidentally put a hundred dollar bill through the quarter machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11365

You deserved it

9112

Tweet

Share

By 0stvn0 - Canada

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33455

You deserved it

5608

Tweet

Share

By jordigs - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38398

You deserved it

4239

Tweet

Share

By NoJobNovember - United States - Wadsworth

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29514

You deserved it

38128

Tweet

Share

By nokitchenforme - Canada

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30336

You deserved it

3149

Tweet

Share

By youwouldbeacat - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17726

You deserved it

53459

Tweet

Share

By sweetdreams - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11662

You deserved it

1373

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15898

You deserved it

33906

Tweet

Share

By butterball - Israel - Palmahim

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24060

You deserved it

6548

Tweet

Share

By Deployed - United States - San Diego

Great surprise

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3567

You deserved it

172

Tweet

Share

By BustedEgo - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52664

You deserved it

7293

Tweet

Share

By not a bitch just don’t like you - 10/3/2021 13:59 - United States

White knights

Today, once again, I told a guy who’s been hounding me for ages that I’m not interested. After being asked repeatedly and turning him down politely for so long, I finally snapped and cussed his ass out. Now I’m known as "the bitch" for hurting such a "nice guy's" feelings. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1881

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By Ladieda - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34535

You deserved it

2530

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bloopaloop | 27

#7931019 - Friday 14 August 2020 19:25

I hope her bush came out looking like a clown wig 🤡

By mekiswrite | 21

#7931032 - Friday 14 August 2020 20:08

How old is your daughter to believe and try this?

COMMENTS

By bloopaloop | 27

#7931019 - Friday 14 August 2020 19:25

I hope her bush came out looking like a clown wig 🤡

By mekiswrite | 21

#7931032 - Friday 14 August 2020 20:08

How old is your daughter to believe and try this?

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7931085 - Saturday 15 August 2020 0:13

WTAF?

By Iamthebanzai22 | 18

#7931097 - Saturday 15 August 2020 2:30

Did she by any chance post a YouTube video of it?

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 33

#7931124 - Saturday 15 August 2020 7:25

Chances are, OP’s daughter is a minor, so the desire to see a video of this is super creepy.

Reply

Iamthebanzai22 | 18

#7931131 - Saturday 15 August 2020 8:10

Yes, I know. My comment was a joke, playing on the creepyness of it.

By 7and7is | 20

#7931689 - Monday 17 August 2020 11:00

It was a throwaway line on Big Bang Theory. So it’s possible she got the idea there.