Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping... - FML

By Anon O'Mous - 2/1/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

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DINOSAURS!!

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Assumptions

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

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By Cpt Colin - 3/1/2012 07:17 - United States

Get out of here

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

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By quinndulgent - 29/11/2015 21:10 - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 12:00

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

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By Fairy31 - 1/3/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

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By LaughingFML - 1/6/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

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By Violet - 5/4/2014 01:57 - United States - Exeter

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

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By DemiRawrs - 1/5/2013 17:23 - United States

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

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By airrinw_33 - 21/1/2013 03:55 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

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By Malpal - 23/1/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

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By in love with a nerd - 2/9/2019 15:01 - United States

Lrn 2 Read

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

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By Stressmess - 1/12/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

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By kattydoo07 - 29/4/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

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By sucksforme - 12/9/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

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By yourmom - 21/9/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

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By sicksicksick - 1/6/2012 08:41 - Senegal

Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML

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By Patrick - 23/2/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

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By littl3storm - 12/5/2019 21:30

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

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By LightsOut - 21/5/2013 22:47 - United States - Melbourne

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

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By Jenn - 3/7/2013 02:39 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

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By AllieG33 - 5/9/2014 02:59 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

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By notasgood - 12/1/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

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By stupidupid - 6/2/2010 12:35 - Philippines

Today, we had a NAT for our preparation for college. I did quite well and knew most of the answers. When I turned mine in, I realised I forgot to write my name. The proctor doesn't allow giving back test papers after it is turned in. And no, I can't retake it. FML

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By Carebeareatu - 13/3/2020 15:00

Keeping up appearances

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

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By notpayedenoughforthisshit - 21/7/2014 21:15 - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

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By Jayne - 29/3/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

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By Dafawk - 19/6/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

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By drewig - 10/5/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

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By IHaveTwoOwies - 6/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 02:06

Leg day

Today, after waiting a year, I asked a coworker who I like to work out at the gym with me. She said yes. I figured this would be the perfect place to show off my body and impress her. In every exercise we did, she lifted more weights than I did. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML

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By FlyingWhisps - 27/9/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, my grandparents came to visit. So far, they have called me fat, bragged about how my cousin is better than me, and told me how I'm not good enough for them. It's okay, though, they gave me a pretzel from the airline and a textbook on physics. In another language. FML

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By Jrex89 - 2/6/2015 21:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

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By ironies a b*tch - 13/4/2013 05:04 - United States - Chatham

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

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By kenabrookee - 3/4/2013 05:48 - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

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By sophistication - 21/8/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

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By rattledwife666 - 21/1/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me In the shower to "save water", he said, "let the environment suffer, not me." FML

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Top comments

By Xquisite1 | 28

#3821016 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

At least you weren't knocked unconscious while naked.

By ClassyCommando | 13

#3821217 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:24

In a gym shower full of men? Well, I respect your choice.

Comments

By jonathanje2 | 0

#3821015 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

That's soo pro...

Reply

KelpForBrains | 0

#3821083 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:03

As pro as number 1's comment.

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821092 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:05

OP has catlike reflexes. Show some respect.

Reply

TheMaster15 | 10

#3821618 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:06

For real. If that were me, my reaction would be about 16.3 minutes late. OP is pro.

Reply

Teehee2 | 0

#3821620 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:07

I would jump the bubblegum popper.

Reply

bfrench95 | 0

#3821656 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:24

Who chews gum in the damn showers? Dafuq?

Reply

jbaby69 | 0

#3821697 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:48

AHHHHH GUM!!!!! D:

Reply

MagicallyFat | 12

#3821703 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:49

I read "popping" as pooping… could have been much worse OP you could have pooped yourself

Reply

cookie_3008 | 4

#3821732 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:08

Well, aren't you a bit skiddish?... Can't imagine what your reaction was during the fireworks for New Years. ^_^

Reply

danny1023 | 0

#3821925 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:28

I really like ops user name lol
Creative

Reply

MrLookAtThere | 10

#3822196 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:51

Stop this gibber gabber, that was no bubble gum, that popping sound was your dignity bursting

Reply

Trainwizard | 1

#4693370 - Monday 16 July 2012 5:15

"And so I'm singing in the shower Ooooh I'm singing in thHOLYFUCKINGMOTHEROFJESUS WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!?!?!?"

By Xquisite1 | 28

#3821016 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

At least you weren't knocked unconscious while naked.

Reply

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3821140 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:10

No but bleeding profusely is just as good.

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821154 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:12

"Leaving a SMALL GASH".
Not exactly profuse bleeding.

Reply

FMtechL | 0

#3821340 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:47

But that's how I get half my dates...

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821381 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:55

How in the fuck do you get the other half?

Reply

GoW_Chick | 14

#3821518 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:32

23- that's true but don't head wounds bleed out more than others?

Reply

testthecoal | 5

#3821521 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:32

Candy, compliments, and roofies.

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821553 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:40

...not necessarily in that order;)

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#3821737 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:10

55- Head wounds bleed like crazy, they usually look a helluva lot worse then they actually are due to being very vascular.

Reply

planetsmurf | 6

#3821816 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:35

82-not always has it also depends on what the OP considers a small gash, there is no universal measurement for small. And the OP never mentioned alot of blood which I would think would have been a point to make in the story

Reply

bitchesbecrazy2 | 4

#3822019 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:23

55 - I'm pretty sure I've played gears with you before

By DontModMeDammit | 10

#3821023 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

I would just think someone is napping someone with a towel...

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821242 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:29

Yeah, who the hell is this "Bubbles" guy anyway? I hear he gets mad dome.

Reply

eyeIoveyou | 4

#3821426 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:06

wanna hear a clean joke? Bobby was taking a bath with bubbles.

wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a man!

Reply

GoW_Chick | 14

#3821506 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:28

Anyone else noticed 3 said napping instead of snapping, confused the hell out of me I mean why would someone be sleeping with a towel or is that some sort of new weird fetish I haven't discovered yet?

Reply

aurynforever | 11

#3821539 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:38

I thought bubbles was a chimp.

By YaboyVinnie | 20

#3821025 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

Pop! Bubble and brains open.

Reply

YayFlameWarz | 9

#3821488 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:22

Who blows bubbles in the shower? No no your coach was getting a little extra treatment from a cheerleader and his old wood couldn't take it.

Reply

neal001 | 0

#3821754 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:17

Tell thoose kids stop making dangerous noises.

Reply

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3822021 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:23

Hey 4, your comment reminded me of Bubblicious Bursts!

By madiishuman | 0

#3821028 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:54

That blows. Lol.

Reply

fuckoffbabe | 3

#3821610 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:02

I see what you did there.

Reply

Liimitless | 6

#3821634 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:15

I have no fucking clue what he was doing there. Enlighten me.

Reply

madiishuman | 0

#3821651 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:22

It's just a shitty pun lol. I enjoy puns.

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3821824 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:38

72 You a see a picture of a woman and the first thing that pops into your head is the commenter being a 'he'? Right...

Reply

Liimitless | 6

#3821833 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:40

I meant she but forgot the s whn I typed it. Sorry if I hurt your feelings bud

Reply

wilbiepig_fml | 0

#3827697 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 5:32

Blows.. blowing bubbles.. get it?

By JumbledGirl | 2

#3821033 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:54

Popping gum is quite startling sometimes

By linnybear831 | 4

#3821041 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:56

Haha I would have probably done the same thing! *high fives*

Reply

flockz | 19

#3821416 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:04

did you just high five yourself?

Reply

Sniperkid07 | 6

#3821931 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:29

I'm pretty sure he did because it's just me and you here, and it sure as hell wasn't me....

By Sweenygirl15 | 0

#3821046 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:56

Did you ask for some gum?

By CalCommando | 6

#3821063 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:59

Squid move.

By Buzzy123 | 7

#3821079 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:01

I would rather someone blowing me then that gum..

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821217 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:24

In a gym shower full of men? Well, I respect your choice.

Reply

Sniperkid07 | 6

#3821935 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:31

Do you really..... Because I don't.

Reply

CoachBangWhore | 5

#3822176 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:46

You sick fuck

Reply

Sniperkid07 | 6

#3823920 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 10:17

Me or 10?