Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping... - FML

By Anon O'Mous - 2/1/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

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Out of it

Season finale

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

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By don't pray, PAY - 23/3/2017 20:00

Today, I attended a Buddhist prayer service for my religion and philosophy course. When the service was over, everyone stood up. Unfortunately, my legs and feet had fallen asleep so much that I lost balance and tackled a monk into the shrine. I'm expected to pay for injuries and damages. FML

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By candy man - 4/9/2014 19:32 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

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By Lisa - 9/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

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By Sarah220 - 12/7/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

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By sourgirl101 - 25/3/2020 02:00

Is he the guy from the earlier FML??

Today, my husband's number was mistakenly added to a group chat of my co-workers dealing with COVID-19. Despite my asking him to stop, he keeps sending corny memes that has offended most of them. FML

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By Who1s269 - 3/5/2013 12:13 - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

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By Ren - 30/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

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By bu09 - 7/3/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, all of my friends and teachers asked me what was wrong because I looked sad and tired. One kid even said that I looked like "an abused housewife the day after." I was fine. It was the first time I went to school without wearing any makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2020 17:00

Social distancing done right

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

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By kiwi2323 - 26/9/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

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By uofpalum - 19/3/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

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By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/3/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

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By coolchicka05 - 6/10/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

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By BonGoWash - 7/2/2013 14:45 - United States - Bronxville

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

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By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

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By happy birthday to me - 5/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

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By Giggity - 21/2/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

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By radiating - 9/3/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 04:20 - Canada

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

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By ThisIsAgony - 25/10/2013 06:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

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By herpderp - 11/2/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

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By gnafron - 31/12/2014 11:30 - France - Grenoble

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

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By Beccarr - 1/7/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

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By Rob - 16/10/2009 01:59 - France

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

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By Delilah - 1/3/2010 08:53 - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

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By batsu - 27/1/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

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By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2020 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Good smell

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 15:11 - United States

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

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By embarassed - 21/4/2011 03:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

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By Don’t Think About It. - 26/8/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2020 14:01

Venmo me

Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML

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By Talkingbeforethinking - 16/3/2019 18:00

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

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By Imretarded - 24/5/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2015 21:16 - United States - Newark

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

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Top comments

By Xquisite1 | 28

#3821016 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

At least you weren't knocked unconscious while naked.

By ClassyCommando | 13

#3821217 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:24

In a gym shower full of men? Well, I respect your choice.

COMMENTS

By jonathanje2 | 0

#3821015 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

That's soo pro...

Reply

KelpForBrains | 0

#3821083 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:03

As pro as number 1's comment.

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821092 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:05

OP has catlike reflexes. Show some respect.

Reply

TheMaster15 | 10

#3821618 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:06

For real. If that were me, my reaction would be about 16.3 minutes late. OP is pro.

Reply

Teehee2 | 0

#3821620 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:07

I would jump the bubblegum popper.

Reply

bfrench95 | 0

#3821656 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:24

Who chews gum in the damn showers? Dafuq?

Reply

jbaby69 | 0

#3821697 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:48

AHHHHH GUM!!!!! D:

Reply

MagicallyFat | 12

#3821703 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:49

I read "popping" as pooping… could have been much worse OP you could have pooped yourself

Reply

cookie_3008 | 4

#3821732 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:08

Well, aren't you a bit skiddish?... Can't imagine what your reaction was during the fireworks for New Years. ^_^

Reply

danny1023 | 0

#3821925 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:28

I really like ops user name lol
Creative

Reply

MrLookAtThere | 10

#3822196 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:51

Stop this gibber gabber, that was no bubble gum, that popping sound was your dignity bursting

Reply

Trainwizard | 1

#4693370 - Monday 16 July 2012 5:15

"And so I'm singing in the shower Ooooh I'm singing in thHOLYFUCKINGMOTHEROFJESUS WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?!?!?!?"

By Xquisite1 | 28

#3821016 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

At least you weren't knocked unconscious while naked.

Reply

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#3821140 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:10

No but bleeding profusely is just as good.

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821154 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:12

"Leaving a SMALL GASH".
Not exactly profuse bleeding.

Reply

FMtechL | 0

#3821340 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:47

But that's how I get half my dates...

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821381 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:55

How in the fuck do you get the other half?

Reply

GoW_Chick | 14

#3821518 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:32

23- that's true but don't head wounds bleed out more than others?

Reply

testthecoal | 5

#3821521 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:32

Candy, compliments, and roofies.

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821553 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:40

...not necessarily in that order;)

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#3821737 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:10

55- Head wounds bleed like crazy, they usually look a helluva lot worse then they actually are due to being very vascular.

Reply

planetsmurf | 6

#3821816 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:35

82-not always has it also depends on what the OP considers a small gash, there is no universal measurement for small. And the OP never mentioned alot of blood which I would think would have been a point to make in the story

Reply

bitchesbecrazy2 | 4

#3822019 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:23

55 - I'm pretty sure I've played gears with you before

By DontModMeDammit | 10

#3821023 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

I would just think someone is napping someone with a towel...

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821242 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:29

Yeah, who the hell is this "Bubbles" guy anyway? I hear he gets mad dome.

Reply

eyeIoveyou | 4

#3821426 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:06

wanna hear a clean joke? Bobby was taking a bath with bubbles.

wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a man!

Reply

GoW_Chick | 14

#3821506 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:28

Anyone else noticed 3 said napping instead of snapping, confused the hell out of me I mean why would someone be sleeping with a towel or is that some sort of new weird fetish I haven't discovered yet?

Reply

aurynforever | 11

#3821539 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:38

I thought bubbles was a chimp.

By YaboyVinnie | 20

#3821025 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:53

Pop! Bubble and brains open.

Reply

YayFlameWarz | 9

#3821488 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:22

Who blows bubbles in the shower? No no your coach was getting a little extra treatment from a cheerleader and his old wood couldn't take it.

Reply

neal001 | 0

#3821754 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:17

Tell thoose kids stop making dangerous noises.

Reply

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3822021 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:23

Hey 4, your comment reminded me of Bubblicious Bursts!

By madiishuman | 0

#3821028 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:54

That blows. Lol.

Reply

fuckoffbabe | 3

#3821610 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:02

I see what you did there.

Reply

Liimitless | 6

#3821634 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:15

I have no fucking clue what he was doing there. Enlighten me.

Reply

madiishuman | 0

#3821651 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:22

It's just a shitty pun lol. I enjoy puns.

Reply

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3821824 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:38

72 You a see a picture of a woman and the first thing that pops into your head is the commenter being a 'he'? Right...

Reply

Liimitless | 6

#3821833 - Monday 2 January 2012 22:40

I meant she but forgot the s whn I typed it. Sorry if I hurt your feelings bud

Reply

wilbiepig_fml | 0

#3827697 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 5:32

Blows.. blowing bubbles.. get it?

By JumbledGirl | 2

#3821033 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:54

Popping gum is quite startling sometimes

By linnybear831 | 4

#3821041 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:56

Haha I would have probably done the same thing! *high fives*

Reply

flockz | 19

#3821416 - Monday 2 January 2012 20:04

did you just high five yourself?

Reply

Sniperkid07 | 6

#3821931 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:29

I'm pretty sure he did because it's just me and you here, and it sure as hell wasn't me....

By Sweenygirl15 | 0

#3821046 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:56

Did you ask for some gum?

By CalCommando | 6

#3821063 - Monday 2 January 2012 18:59

Squid move.

By Buzzy123 | 7

#3821079 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:01

I would rather someone blowing me then that gum..

Reply

ClassyCommando | 13

#3821217 - Monday 2 January 2012 19:24

In a gym shower full of men? Well, I respect your choice.

Reply

Sniperkid07 | 6

#3821935 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:31

Do you really..... Because I don't.

Reply

CoachBangWhore | 5

#3822176 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 0:46

You sick fuck

Reply

Sniperkid07 | 6

#3823920 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 10:17

Me or 10?