Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML
Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML
Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML
Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
Today, a salesman came to the door and I assumed the guy was peddling solar stuff. Before the poor guy had a chance to say anything, I blurted out, "We don't need any, we only spend $80 on electricity in the summer." He pointed to his shirt and replied, "I'm an exterminator." I then tried to awkwardly apologize. FML
Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML
Today, I walked into a gas station to get a bag of chips. Upon moving towards the counter to pay, I noticed the cashier had what looked like a golf ball stuffed in his cheek. I said to him in a joking manner, "That's a huge pinch of dip!" His reply, "It's mouth cancer." FML
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Top comments
ForestFire0 1
Maybe if he talked like a regular person instead of like a vampire
Telcontar14 0
he actually said mortal enemy? Dude, don't sweat it, if he's talking like that he's just begging for such comments.
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Comments (107)
mylifesucksoften 0
that's what a vampire would say ;-) jk jk, that must have been awkward for you. don't feel bad about it, thuogh. You couldn't have known.
freddie_fml 0
This one is awesome.
Jennydew 0
I probably would have asked if he was a vampire too....
comment11111 39
exactly
AlfonzoRex 0
Twilight is wrong. Everyone knows that vampires burn. If you want to watch a good vampire show then watch true blood -___-'' I know I'll get a billion thumbs down, but I'm sorry, Twilight just fails.
gueeterman 4
**** yourself #44, crazy bitch.
Colby_Colbert 0
hey **** him if he was offended, he started it by saying "the sun is my enemy"
JoshBarblahblah 0
There are differences in vampire stories-even the canonical vampire stories. Why is it that Twilight isn't allowed to be different as well?
spoonboy 0
Because the idea of sparkling vampires is just plain stupid.
fuckmahlife 0
rofl indeed xD
arienh4 0
Because the idea of vampires goes back into the Middle Ages. Twilight just threw that all away and substituted it's crappy own, filled with teen angst. That's why.
Intoxicunt 6
#52. THE best comment on this whole site. :D
Zekerio 0
Twilight is completely against everything we know about vampires. Twilight < Everyother vampire Sparkle in the sun < Disintegrate in the sun Mostly eat animals < Devour human blood Fall in love with teeangers a quarter of their age < Turn grown women into their brides
aback 5
Not your fault. He didn't have to be a melodramatic ass about it. Lots of people get skin cancers taken off. Unless he meant melanoma, in which case he was still being an ass.
AlexZB 0
so yes
RIKANA 0
#32 im not a fan of twlight, if you want real vampire and werewolf action see the underworld films.
freakoffer 0
lol yes. Underworld is ******* awsome.
LauraUK 0
Lol 'mortal enemy'. What else were you going to think when he said that? FHL