Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML
Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML
Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML
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Top comments
ohjessica 11
That's quite disturbing. Poor grandma.
cessily 8
His next question: "would it get me high?"
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Comments (128)
downtime 13
To which he responds by handing you divorce papers for being unable to satisfy his needs. That or just sleeps around behind your back. Then you get to experience the joy of what happens when you decide to act out vengefully when really you should just learn to get the **** over simple problems because you're married adults, not 5 year olds.
Feedmyaddiction5 14
Ydi. If you would have had sex he may not have thought about that
j_cat187 20
I don't see smoking something that has already been burned. How about you brew his ashes into your favorite cup of coffee.
wlddog 14
This is the first time I have ever heard of a revenge talk session. Your husband may just be a closet genius. Turning your 'no sex' punishment into a punishment for you is brilliant. I am going to remember this for the next time my wife pulls this stunt. Your husband has a new fan.
Mekeritrig 15
These are the questions that keep us men tossing and turning at night.
PistolWhiper93 0
Well then Bender get your cigar making kit. All rights reserved for Futurama.
sansnickname 2
Well you did want to talk...
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
Wouldn't that be consider cannibalism? 0.o
awagh666 14
More like a cremative man
ittsdann 6
This reminds me of How High