Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML
Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML
Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML
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Top comments
ohjessica 11
That's quite disturbing. Poor grandma.
cessily 8
His next question: "would it get me high?"
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Comments (128)
supimnyancat 9
Well can you?
cat716 2
Considering ashes are already burned. Uh... No.
cajekraze 7
Cremated remains are mostly pulvarized bone dust. You married an IDIOT!!
l0v3p4in 7
Good Response: "Honey, that's the perfect topic to talk about to ensure you won't get laid tonight. Congrats." PS-I would recommend hiding your grandmother's ashes before his stupidity gets the best of him.
downtime 13
I think he already established that he wasn't getting any. Since she already took sex off the table he had nothing to lose...
l0v3p4in 7
Sometimes talking and cuddling can lead to sex, even if she wasn't in the mood at that particular moment. If her husband made a better effort to swoon her by giving into what she wanted first, she most likely would have done the same for him after awhile.
downtime 13
He may not have really wanted it badly enough that he would have to work for it. Some people would rather not feel like they have to coerce their partner to sleep with them either.
CallMeBloo 31
98 is right on. Romance and foreplay are not coercion or begging. For me, it's part and parcel of sex.
ScarletBloom 14
He has no money for ciggy?
Mauskau 36
Sometimes that's all people spend their money on so maybe. Or it's just curiosity.
perdix 31
Sure, and then he'll start to smell like Ben-Gay and talk about menopause.
I_AmTheStig 0
Then he will start driving a cadillac and start knitting. Right?
mxpklx 12
It's possible to snort them. Three guys got arrested for breaking into a house and snorting what they thought was cocaine but it ended up being ashes.
jcrotty19 4
I was one of them.
XtraEzeee 8
You can also drink it in chocolate milk. Ah, south park reference.
XtraEzeee 8
You can also drink it in chocolate milk. Ah, south park reference.
akiahara 14
creepy... but you'll think twice before saying no next time...
desireev 18
Sounds like he already tried it... I don't know if there's a rehabilitation center that would take on a case like that...
iLikeSportz33 0
If he has already tried it, why would he ask if it's possible? Weird.....
desireev 18
I'm not saying that he did. I'm just saying that, by him coming out with an off-the-wall random question, it sounds like he may have tried it. Or something to make him ask such silly and quite disgusting questions like that.
tmbfan 11
Haha does he expect that to be a turn-on or something? He is now known as, "The Sexless Innkeeper".
mosquito19 14
I am sure your husband is not in the mood to goto work every morning either. do your duty woman
broadysgirl 0
How High!!
j_cat187 20
Higher than the sky