Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML
Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way, my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML
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Top comments
Anonanimal 0
he's just trying to bug you. you wouldn't believe the things my parents have said to me in arguements xD
Suckylicious 0
my dad says im adopted all the time. i think im his kid. i just dont care that much!
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Comments (145)
ireply_w_lyrics 0
I AM
i_is_a_tr00l 0
I came here to make you dance tonight! And I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you! :O
RAMBabyyy 0
It was probably just a joke, lighten up. And if it wasn't, FYL.
sublime93 0
How dare you befoul Cobra. Trolls do not deserve to quote them.
xoxo9171 0
ooooh hmm
redbluegreen 41
I agree. CS deserves better fans, like they used to have in 2006. D:
DunHassleDuhHoff 0
win
mapleleafs4ever 0
hahahaha, that does suck, but its pretty funny.
plexico 4
You could have said, "I'm pretty sure it's you. I was about 10 when Mom started ******* around on you. She could take on three, four guys at a time. It was always fun keeping our little secrets from you. Ooops!"
muffinsareyummy 1
lol. pwnt.
silverx10 0
A good comeback would've been, "...Or do you?" Of course, it only works if you've got one of them thar quick wits. Still, that blows, mang.