Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thefallenqueen 5
parents these days..
1337Anonymous911 3
So you just let the drug abuse continue?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (303)
dieselguy82 0
Kick your pot head Daughters ass
raraisbang 12
Dumber? That is surprising to me. I was spanked as a child. Maybe that scholarship I received was meant for someone else. Obviously nobody who was spanked as a child could possibly be intelligent.
Babybuster 2
To comment #246, YOU spelled apologize wrong as well.
herbrightskies 9
Apologise is also the correct way to spell it. Apologise and Apologize are both correct. Don't be ignorant.
itooamscrewed 10
It's spelled with an s in certain places such as England and Canada.
The_F3rris 11
Weed isn't that bad. It could've been a meth pipe or cocaine.
CastielJ 6
420 FTW! WOOT! Sike. All the PotHeads I know are losers. Male and Female. My advice.... Get a life.
EriccaLuv 0
You can have a life and smoke weed. Don't bash on all potheads because the ones you know are lazy *****.
S_W_E_D 6
Go educate yourself
EriccaLuv 0
Contrary to popular belief, potheads tend to be pretty smart. Example: my boyfriends IQ: 124, my IQ: 117. We both smoke.
stoptrying 9
Here's a good example of lying on the internet, kids.
Negroification 7
The saddest thing about this, is the commenter seems to think an IQ of 117 is anything other than woefully average.
satanisthesavior 21
Actually, they change the IQ base so that the average is exactly 100. If everyone on the planet becomes one IQ point smarter, they lower all the IQ scores so the average is still 100.
Darren82 0
yeah stoners aint as dumb as people say huh? **** adults,most of them are a bunch of ****** squares
HonestWalnut 3
To be honest you aren't that smart.I love how naive you,sticking it to the man eh?This mother is just a fairly forgetful woman it does not in anyway make you smart.Oh look at you not a worry in the world thinking that your life is going to be great because you are rebellious oh you will age and see the error of your ways,if your not dead by then
N7Nitrogen 0
We aren't as smart as we think? Neither are you. Plain and simple. Fact of life. Deal with it.
Gperm 12
Its marijuana its not a drug!! Its a plant. Only side effects are hungry, happy, and sleepy(:
HonestWalnut 3
Love how you think that.A drug, broadly speaking, is any substance that, when absorbed into the body of a living organism, alters normal bodily function.So there ya go
stoptrying 9
And anxiety, increased chance of several different kind of cancers, many other bad side effects you seemed to forget about.
N7Nitrogen 0
Marijuana, or cannabis which is its original name is a highly versatile plant, with many benefits to its user, may I point out a fact HIGHLY over looked, cannabis was not illegal until the 1920's when propaganda campaigns funded by a few select industry owners whose business was THREATENED by this plant changed the common knowledge, it's the same thing with electric cars, gas companies are threatened and they react, by trying to eliminate them, we have some now, but what happened to them when they can out before? Cannabis is illegal because our society MADE it illegal, it was one of the cash crops I the south until illegalized