Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML
Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML
Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
Today, a big crab at the beach got hold of my headphones and wouldn’t let go. Rather than wait and try to tease them free, my husband just grabbed the crab and ripped the claw off its body. The man has no patience or respect for other living things at all. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML
Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
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Top comments
DGross 8
I say unleash a 6 pound one on his nuts and see how he likes it :-P
vexis58 1
I was not aware lobster could be a verb. Learn something new every day.
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Comments (63)
WordsOfHope 0
and it WAS funny
WordsOfHope 0
and it WAS funny
hedgehogs 0
and it WAS assault and battery. That guy should be fired and pay your medical expenses.
idkweird 0
What medical expenses? his ear was swollen for 5 hours....that's it. What exactly does he need to see a doctor for? If he's out lobstering, he shouldn't be such a whiny bitch!
HJB 0
Maybe you shouldn't be harrassing lobsters. Their trying to not have there claws tied up asshole
Stotan1228 0
he wasn't harassing it he was doing his job you stupid tree hugger. we're sorry you want to destroy the economy just so you can save some animals who're too stupid to know their being used for a good purpose. like they have been since civilization began ya know?
Erindub 0
Make one pinch his nuts. But either way you ought to eat the offending lobster.
Wolfex999 0
Only five hours? But ouch, that probably hurt.
ChoclateDimondz 0
OH JUST BE QUIET AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
chocobunnyyumyum 0
too bad your not a girl, OP. We can hide our ears with our hair... :P but i know how you feel. I had a swollen eye for a week. i could see out of one eye only...
rinimoon 0
i hope you punched them in the eye thats horrible and dangerous
fogrunner 13
FTLL.