Laughs in socialized healthcare - FML

Laughs in socialized healthcare

By David Wicker - 09/09/2020 08:02

Today, I sleep on the floor every night because my cat has punctured three air mattresses. I was going to get a real bed with my stimulus check, but I broke my leg and had to pay for the doctor's bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 316

Leave us alone

Hiding from the drama

Good kid

By headache - 23/02/2015 01:41 - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 525

You deserved it 5 195

By KrissyBearr - 31/12/2011 01:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 159

You deserved it 9 958

By Bitch - 26/05/2019 00:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 10 558

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 4 878

Does this smell bad?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 02:01

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 626

By metallifreak44 - 14/11/2011 13:37 - Canada

Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 3 715

Invest in ear plugs

By Dana O'Neil - 24/08/2020 15:03 - Canada - Westerose

Today, and every night all summer, I can hear the kids outside playing when I go to bed. They’re so loud, it makes it hard to sleep. The kids have a later bedtime than I do, and I’m 33. I'm feeling like a broken down old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 246

By amiezingme - 26/07/2013 13:09 - United States - Swansboro

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 070

You deserved it 5 524

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 20:14 - Switzerland

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 915

You deserved it 2 573

By Anonymous - 20/06/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 150

You deserved it 6 660

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 203

By hakura madada - 22/06/2012 19:41 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 234

You deserved it 27 539

By itwasajoke - 25/12/2016 21:23

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 370

You deserved it 2 312

By ... - 05/02/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 909

You deserved it 70 103

Mistaken identity

By thedogwalker - 09/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 185

Error!

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 03:00

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 225

By killme - 11/11/2014 17:43 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 7 109

By ThatTrafficCone - 04/10/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 541

You deserved it 2 312

By fingerfuckd - 29/04/2009 15:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 275

You deserved it 13 628

By Lisa - 28/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was turned down for a job because they thought I lied about having a six-month internship. Why? The secretary I told off for stealing my lunch every single day told them she hadn't heard of me, and the new company won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 510

You deserved it 282

By Aiaiii - 03/06/2010 07:55 - Germany

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 431

You deserved it 36 670

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 662

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 01:27 - United States - Orlando

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 009

You deserved it 1 882

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 15:19 - United States - Wichita Falls

Spicy

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 179

You deserved it 7 262

By Quicky5_ - 03/11/2015 06:58 - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 2 475

By Matthew - 16/06/2017 22:00 - United States - Largo

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 063

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 14:10 - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 450

You deserved it 888

Nice

By mandiballz - 12/01/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year-old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He said, "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 725

You deserved it 4 437

By lamesauce - 15/02/2009 10:32 - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 739

You deserved it 3 038

By Bummer - 30/10/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 755

You deserved it 3 870

Go fund this

By Anonymous - 29/03/2015 13:33 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 784

You deserved it 2 369

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 2 668

By DQB - 24/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 61 803

By Sally19863 - 30/08/2010 16:18 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 3 053

By I'm a pussy, yeah yeah - 05/09/2015 05:56 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 899

You deserved it 9 957

Brain fart Andy over here

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 16:01 - Italy

Today, as I was getting dressed after a shower, I spent a good 30 seconds searching for my underwear… which I'd already put on at that point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 277

By jgw - 07/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 665

You deserved it 667

By ripdivine - 24/02/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 257

You deserved it 56 413

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 00:12 - France - Bourges

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 699

You deserved it 64 394

By holla1787 - 04/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 464

You deserved it 2 803

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 14:28

fuck the american healthcare system, for reals.

A Frenchy in Eire 31

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 11:18

Err, are you drunk? OP said he broke his leg. Did you expect him to fix it with a band aid?

Comments

alexwagner21 22

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 8:09

This just made me sad

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 8:45

I'm confused. Did the cat break your leg by puncturing the air mattresses? I'm thinking you're making weed look bad.

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 9:23

I had to mark “You Deserved It”. Are you f*ckin’ kidding me? Your sleeping on the floor because you had to pay a Doctors bill? And what did the Doctor need your money for? So that his million dollar car would be this years current model instead of last? So that he could have his private swimming pool expanded and cleaned? So he can take another luxury cruise? Unbefcknlvable!

A Frenchy in Eire 31

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 11:18

Err, are you drunk? OP said he broke his leg. Did you expect him to fix it with a band aid?

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 17:28

Screw the Doctor. He had higher needs. Let the Doctor fix his leg. And then thank the Doctor and never give it another thought. End of story. Take care of yourself first!

raven_of_azarath 34

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Thursday 10 September 2020 6:49

Doctors won’t fix broken legs if they don’t get paid.

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 14:01

That sucks! You can buy a twin size mattress online for a hundred dollars.

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 14:28

fuck the american healthcare system, for reals.

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Wednesday 9 September 2020 22:50

I feel your pain. I was sleeping on an air bed when I moved back in April. It kept deflating and I'd wake up in the middle of the night with it half flat, so I slept on the floor from May until a little while ago (End of August). I bought a mattress. I'm so happy to have it. No bed frame, the mattress is on the floor, but I'm just happy I at least have one. Air beds suck sometimes anyway. When they half deflate, you wake up with terrible pains. That's why I chose the floor over it. I'd suggest using pillows and blankets to make the floor a little less hard. I roll a lot in my sleep, but I was still able to stay on at least the blankets if not the pillows. Good luck!!! Hopefully you find one you can afford or you find a friend to donate one to you.

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Thursday 10 September 2020 10:04

You deserved it, if you needed three air mattresses to learn that your cat didn’t like it.

chandinz 12

Thursday 10 September 2020 13:11

How are you sleeping on the floor with a broken leg?!

Rinalikes Tamarindballs 2

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Thursday 10 September 2020 20:25

🖕🏽the cat 🐈 if it costing you a bed to sleep on.

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Friday 11 September 2020 13:08

American healthcare sucks. But you didn’t have to pay for anything. That was your choice.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 95