Dogs, Weird, Awkward and Love: Kinda sus, dude

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 202

You deserved it 5 194

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Same thing different taste

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 926

You deserved it 5 320

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 2 887

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

By meat is meat - 07/10/2019 02:07

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 2 657

Snack time

By oops... - 12/09/2014 05:50 - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 602

You deserved it 29 746

Deflection

By Richard - 25/06/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said, "Yeah yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 484

You deserved it 6 197

By ryansmithho - 24/11/2010 19:06 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 788

You deserved it 14 905

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 357

You deserved it 3 452

By BigBallah93 - 05/07/2009 15:23 - China

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 786

You deserved it 55 338

Yummy

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 517

You deserved it 11 298

By syn1734 - 16/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 137

You deserved it 3 423

addisonrose12 16

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:20

What's the big deal?

Wolfparable 22

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:22

I WAS gonna post something sympathetic then I noticed my picture... You're on your own man.

Comments

TahoeFMler 22

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:28

I don't understand the correlation...

604 11

Sunday 11 January 2015 10:49

Owning and taking care of a pet as a couple is often the step prior to having a child together.

Mauskau 35

Sunday 11 January 2015 11:00

Some people use peanut butter as a way to get their dogs to lick them. And they will do it in places you shouldn't let a dog near.

Calingaladha 21

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:30

Are you the peanut butter guy from Wilfred?

el_angelroca 15

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:39

Love that show

wasliedtoasakid 22

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:30

Maybe she has had some kind of traumatizing past experience with dogs that gave her... dog-phobia...?

cadyshaw17 13

Sunday 11 January 2015 17:46

Cynophobia

missminijones 3

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:31

Just so everyone knows, this is an American Pie reference. Specifically American Pie Book of Love. The guy is masterbating with a peanut butter sandwich and the dog comes in and starts licking the peanut butter on his junk which it then makes him c*m.

RobinGoodfellow 47

Sunday 11 January 2015 10:41

....You do realize people do this in real life? Quite intentionally? It's not just a reference.

flamingarrow59 21

Sunday 11 January 2015 10:59

I actually know a sick person who has done this

ilovefall10 21

Sunday 11 January 2015 9:32

Your girlfriend must have a disturbed mind for her to instantly think about beastality.

catharsis5 9

Sunday 11 January 2015 10:06

I fail to see why she freaked out until I read the comments. Still, both of your minds went there really quick.

interesting33 36

Sunday 11 January 2015 11:57

Some people give peanut butter for treats so I really think she over-reacted.

thejonac 21

Sunday 11 January 2015 10:20

i don't know what's wrong with wanting a dog because that just means you have a sense of responsibility to take care of it and makes you look more attractive?