Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've been on vacation with my friend and his family for a week. Apparently, his idea of a vacation includes constant screaming arguments with his wife, while their kids sob in the living room. I tried to take the kids out once and got a lecture on boundaries, which started another huge fight. FML
Today, there was a 4 year-old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I was having trouble sleeping due to jet lag. I was finally sleepy and looking forward to a decent night of rest when my 4 year-old woke up and refused to stay in his room or try to rest. The next two hours involved him shouting at me, kicking me, and crying because he wanted Daddy, who is on a business trip. FML
Today, on my family vacation, I tried to put my foot down and declare that my daughter would absolutely not be babysitting anyone's kids. Everyone got mad and made us go home. FML
Today, all I wanted was to take my two kids and their two favourite cousins to the beach on their last day of vacation together. My mother-in-law went into full beast mode, shouting about how I'm always roaming around and being irresponsible. The kids never meet and are from different cities. FML
Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML
Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML
Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML
Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML
Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she'd put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right onto my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth and busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
You should have shoved the shoe into the kid's ass. It's what Jesus would have done.
plum_lovin 28
I probably would have used her kids shoe and hit her with it to wake her up (even if she was really "asleep" or not. Deal with your own damn kids lady!!
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Comments (73)
LeapingTurtles 4
you should have became the parent and busted them in the mouth
mkcherry 14
I would have woken her up and told her in a calm voice and no uncertain terms that I would physically hurt her children if she didn't get them under control. I would have also asked to me be moved away from that woman. If neither worked, her kid assaulted you with a shoe, pretty sure thats when you can punish the little miscreant with a firm shove to the floor.
Zebediabolical 45
Depending on whose airspace the plane is in when you say that, you can easily be charged with uttering threats. It's shitty, I know, but true.
bridgetv25 8
One day your my friend will get the life beat out of you by a mom somewhere I know if you touched a hair on my kids head you'd have your head shoved up your ass JS
iluvpeanutbutter 22
Geez, chill out, 80. 57 wouldn't really smash up some kid; it's just a threat to get a parent to actually do their job and look after their goddamn kids.
Tim2415 16
Sounds like an episode of "16 & Pregnant"
DDCA 24
If you're able to write about that experience on FML but too timid to tell someone to control their children that are encroaching onto your personal space at 30,000 feet, you deserve. Besides, you're supposed to keep your spine on your carry-on...
martinfml 8
And I thought annoying brats aren't allowed to run around in an airplane..
Xalandra 17
Um, Hello! WAKE THE MOTHER UP! what's so difficult about this concept? The mother needs to take care of her own damn kids! Ask to be moved if you have to. No one deserves a kick to the face because mom is being lazy.
pfquid 10
time for an ass whooping!
pattayarick 8
So, I take it that you smacked the living shit out of the kid.
Lili_love 14
hey that's even better. then you can beat them while she "sleeps"
MrsAlexander83 10
I would have called the flight attendant over to wake that heifer up! Some people should just be sterilized if they're not going to take care of their children. And yes I can say that because I have 3...