Jealousy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 08:00

Today, my girlfriend broke my Xbox while I was playing Warzone. She said she heard me playing with another girl, and accused me of cheating. It was just the A.I. saying, "Copy, I’m on it." Anyone selling an Xbox One? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 210

The smell detective is on the case

Love costs a fortune

Get that pup out of there!

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 23:00 - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 735

You deserved it 8 995

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 6 169

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 610

You deserved it 6 626

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 11:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 91

By RequilaRainbow - 26/01/2012 07:34 - Canada

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 629

You deserved it 4 309

By mariah_1_11 - 06/03/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 228

You deserved it 41 196

By fruitoftheloom - 09/03/2015 05:13 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 846

You deserved it 7 290

By Jeathrow - 16/02/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 145

You deserved it 3 986

By Anonymous - 13/05/2014 19:23 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 821

You deserved it 3 406

By EwwEwwEww - 19/02/2017 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 789

You deserved it 441

By fmcsl - 13/04/2019 20:00

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 156

By dead_painter - 04/05/2016 00:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 038

You deserved it 1 325

By p-man - 27/08/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 087

You deserved it 57 132

Blender time!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 17:04

Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 160

By my bravado's gonna kill me one day - 10/08/2018 13:00

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 3 745

By marge1010 - 08/03/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 879

You deserved it 9 983

By lollipopgreen - 01/10/2011 12:33 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station to get a bag of chips. Upon moving towards the counter to pay, I noticed the cashier had what looked like a golf ball stuffed in his cheek. I said to him in a joking manner, "That's a huge pinch of dip!" His reply, "It's mouth cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 594

You deserved it 51 611

By MLS - 14/02/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 306

You deserved it 5 339

By shelbylove115 - 22/02/2013 05:35 - United States - Nevada City

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 580

You deserved it 35 095

By Grandson - 07/11/2013 05:52 - United States - Ontario

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 301

You deserved it 4 583

By Ellowise - 24/12/2009 10:06 - Belgium

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 654

You deserved it 47 053

By gnafron - 31/12/2013 11:30 - France - Grenoble

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 888

You deserved it 14 932

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 09:04 - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 350

You deserved it 16 312

Sneaky

By TheHarvardian - 25/10/2012 06:59 - United States - Ft Mitchell

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 066

You deserved it 1 882

Rookie mistake

By Grounded4Life - 14/08/2021 14:01

Today, I got grounded, got my bedroom door taken away and my phone is only allowed before 5 p.m. Never comment how many points you got on a public Facebook post involving a quiz about sex if your mom is friends with you, she’ll see everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 2 039

By Heather - 26/06/2012 17:13 - United States - Newport News

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 12 697

By nerd - 16/10/2009 15:08 - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 332

You deserved it 5 719

By Belle - 08/04/2016 18:11 - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 087

You deserved it 1 359

By redcherries90 - 08/12/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 623

You deserved it 3 985

By Jaayoung23 - 14/01/2010 15:47 - France

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 583

You deserved it 4 381

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 07:59

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 1 690

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 757

You deserved it 4 407

By momma - 16/08/2013 15:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 931

You deserved it 3 699

Splish splash, I was taking a bath

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, my neighbour decided to get high while leaving his bathtub running, resulting in passing out and starting a flood in the hallways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 49

By flatfoot - 09/08/2012 19:33 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 201

You deserved it 3 001

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 15:42 - Australia - Burnside

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 982

You deserved it 3 874

By shit's weak - 13/02/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 646

You deserved it 4 659

By anonymous - 24/04/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 080

You deserved it 3 307

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 999

You deserved it 97 355

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:17 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 328

You deserved it 8 273

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Top comments

thisisbutaname 38

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 8:58

You don't need another xbox, you need a new girlfriend mate

Matthew Smith 13

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 12:37

That’s domestic abuse in my eyes. Get the f out of there

Jaymail 17

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 8:15

Check eBay.

thisisbutaname 38

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 8:58

You don't need another xbox, you need a new girlfriend mate

Bamisoep 9

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 10:03

Ditch the crazy, as said : look for a new GF.

alex_jaguara 31

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 10:23

Red flag, dude.

Matthew Smith 13

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 12:37

That’s domestic abuse in my eyes. Get the f out of there

magnumpeyote66 6

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 14:54

The fact this FML didnt end with 'anyone got an xbox to trade for a girlfriend' is disappointing DUMP HER CRAZY PSYCHO ABUSE ASS before she does something and YOU get arrested or stabbed. (Cause that's how these tend to go)

Mayaaaaaaaaa 12

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 16:47

Your life doesn’t suck. Your girlfriend does.

Kraths 16

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Wednesday 20 May 2020 16:48

I mean as an avid video game collector I always have two or three extras that I could sell. In all seriousness, the others are right it's time to find a new one