By Vampire Teabag - United States - El Paso Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 36678 You deserved it 3449 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By really - Canada - Ottawa Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML I agree, your life sucks 12487 You deserved it 1009 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 44444 You deserved it 8171 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nottililgirl - United States Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML I agree, your life sucks 7988 You deserved it 43996 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By :( - United States Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML I agree, your life sucks 15618 You deserved it 2434 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blindjac Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the church was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML I agree, your life sucks 2166 You deserved it 173 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By musiclover - United States Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 27660 You deserved it 5095 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Light Sleeper - United States - Evansville Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML I agree, your life sucks 32811 You deserved it 4449 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotTilly - United States Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31010 You deserved it 4209 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rbates - United States Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML I agree, your life sucks 13743 You deserved it 60279 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stupid - United States - Post Falls Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML I agree, your life sucks 73975 You deserved it 5233 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WTF - United States - Ann Arbor Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML I agree, your life sucks 58413 You deserved it 3868 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fred - Canada Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML I agree, your life sucks 36022 You deserved it 6532 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML I agree, your life sucks 8830 You deserved it 65554 253 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Monday - Australia Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML I agree, your life sucks 35830 You deserved it 4454 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By belladonna1025 - United States - Mesa Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML I agree, your life sucks 10194 You deserved it 799 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tony456 - United States Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML I agree, your life sucks 32581 You deserved it 24504 252 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 16:01 - United Kingdom Can't catch a break Today, I’ve been working 4 months to cover people isolating, so I was finally looking forward to a Saturday of fishing, a date night then a lazy Sunday watching TV. Only my wife who, as soon as she heard I had a whole weekend free, handed me a list of vital house jobs that need doing, “NOW NOW NOW.” FML I agree, your life sucks 1271 You deserved it 179 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon13 - United States Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML I agree, your life sucks 21508 You deserved it 94557 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML I agree, your life sucks 40492 You deserved it 11445 215 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drooooooool - United States Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML I agree, your life sucks 25156 You deserved it 6333 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my mom came in to hug me while I was sleeping, or so I thought. I woke up and tried to hug her back, only to find she had wrapped a tape measure around me. She was trying to measure my bust size to win a bet. FML I agree, your life sucks 4754 You deserved it 363 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 23473 You deserved it 44046 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThanksAsshole - 28/3/2020 20:00 Tonight, on Asshole Bosses… Today, I got fired from a business I ran for almost 6 years. Why? The new owner refuses to close, despite our governor ordering non-essential businesses to close, and for people to stay home. I told her I wasn’t comfortable working, and that it was technically illegal. So she fired me in a group chat. FML I agree, your life sucks 2174 You deserved it 151 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML I agree, your life sucks 44500 You deserved it 17057 258 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Allie - United States Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML I agree, your life sucks 47960 You deserved it 2793 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ArtistBlock - United States - Phoenix Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 14083 You deserved it 1354 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kissless - United States Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 41323 You deserved it 5855 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kat124ever - United States - Apo Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML I agree, your life sucks 32616 You deserved it 5934 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML I agree, your life sucks 26335 You deserved it 3782 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihatemyjob - United States - Ridgeland Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML I agree, your life sucks 27051 You deserved it 2061 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CallMeCherry - 26/8/2020 07:59 - United Kingdom PSA Today, I managed to "permanently and irrevocably" damage my spine. How? By bending down and picking up a piece of paper. According to my doctor, essentially I need to, "bend over like a stripper if I want to pick something up." FML I agree, your life sucks 1286 You deserved it 121 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Philippines - Makati Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML I agree, your life sucks 8065 You deserved it 32124 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sophhiee - United States Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML I agree, your life sucks 36669 You deserved it 7182 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yupthissucks - United States - Newnan Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML I agree, your life sucks 39021 You deserved it 2760 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML I agree, your life sucks 48376 You deserved it 4495 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Eugene Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML I agree, your life sucks 15815 You deserved it 1259 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Erica - United States - Mountain View Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML I agree, your life sucks 32599 You deserved it 72340 263 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By for my brother in law - United States - Oxnard Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML I agree, your life sucks 17736 You deserved it 6662 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Amsterdam Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML I agree, your life sucks 31900 You deserved it 2475 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my mother knocked on the door of my room at 7am. I am currently over 300 miles from home, on a vacation to get away from my overbearing family. I told none of them where I was going. FML I agree, your life sucks 5781 You deserved it 430 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Welshite | 39 #6200878 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:10 She fails at logic and intelligence. No wonder you were winning all the games. Send a private message 324 5 Reply
By DaBayst | 15 #6200885 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:11 Good thing you weren't playing Monopoly or Uno, you'd be a dead man. Send a private message 191 1 Reply
By brunettesara5722 | 17 #6200874 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:10 Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment you should let her win at least once Send a private message 19 95 Reply
Reply Retaheki | 27 #6200937 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:37 #1, If you've heard stories like this before, you'd know she'd probably accuse OP of doing that. It's a classic, really. Send a private message 48 1 Reply
Reply silmisstar | 23 #6201066 - Friday 13 February 2015 4:03 "Did you let me win!? Do you think I'm stupid or something!?!" There's no winning this one. Send a private message 55 0 Reply
By Welshite | 39 #6200878 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:10 She fails at logic and intelligence. No wonder you were winning all the games. Send a private message 324 5 Reply
Reply devildog562 | 33 #6200911 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:20 If they play uno and monopoly they mutually hate each other by the night. Send a private message 20 1 Reply
Reply Retaheki | 27 #6200938 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:39 Bonus FML points for reference. At least she didn't have a fit! Send a private message 3 7 Reply
Reply musoboy | 22 #6201774 - Friday 13 February 2015 23:15 #14: Monopoly I get. But why should Uno have that effect? I've never experienced that. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Reply Retaheki | 27 #6202671 - Saturday 14 February 2015 21:44 3 words; Draw Four Card. Send a private message 8 0 Reply
By False_Stupidity | 41 #6200883 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:11 Right, because that makes perfect sense, to someone, somewhere, maybe. Or just no. Send a private message 39 1 Reply
Reply Soviet_American | 29 #6201078 - Friday 13 February 2015 4:27 Trivia crack; the new relationship destroyer. Send a private message 15 1 Reply
Reply incoherentrmblr | 21 #6201199 - Friday 13 February 2015 8:06 And I thought words with friends was bad... Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply HyunnK | 18 #6201946 - Saturday 14 February 2015 2:22 WWF is so bad... People cheat on that game left and right. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By mikepzz | 27 #6200884 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:11 I don't think you need that insecurity in your life, good luck sir! Send a private message 19 4 Reply
By DaBayst | 15 #6200885 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:11 Good thing you weren't playing Monopoly or Uno, you'd be a dead man. Send a private message 191 1 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #6200893 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:13 That's why there is red houses and red cards in those games. They're painted with the blood of the unfortunate winners. Send a private message 28 1 Reply
Reply Nymeria_fml | 25 #6200909 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:19 I can see the girlfriend throwing a fit whenever OP buys a hotel - "IS THAT WHERE YOU TAKE YOUR CHEAP WHORES TO?" Send a private message 62 0 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #6200936 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:37 "THEIR NAMES ARE JOAN AND MARTHA!" Send a private message 21 1 Reply
Reply Retaheki | 27 #6200940 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:43 -Lands on Luxury Tax- "HA, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BUYING ALL THAT JEWELRY FOR YOUR CHEAP BITCHES!" Send a private message 33 1 Reply
Reply Nymeria_fml | 25 #6200950 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:49 If OP lands on the GO TO JAIL space, it will be because of solicitation. Send a private message 19 0 Reply
Reply JustinJK | 21 #6201101 - Friday 13 February 2015 5:02 Or building ikea furniture :0 Send a private message 0 6 Reply
By RMLrapemylife | 14 #6200891 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:13 dodged a bullet there mate Send a private message 20 0 Reply
By xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17 #6200894 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:14 Maybe it's time to forfeit the relationship. I'll see myself out. Send a private message 17 3 Reply
By ELoni_fml | 25 #6200898 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:15 Bitches be crazy Send a private message 8 12 Reply
Reply sweetbliss3 | 37 #6201140 - Friday 13 February 2015 6:07 bitches be trippin. close, though. Send a private message 3 8 Reply
By idkimhayden | 8 #6200902 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:16 Dodged a bullet there Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By feven | 32 #6200906 - Friday 13 February 2015 0:17 What's next? You eat cereal? You're probably a cereal killer. Send a private message 47 2 Reply
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 460 You deserved it 66 3 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 648 You deserved it 81 8 Comments