Love and Health: It's not what you think

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 01:36 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 641

You deserved it 4 829

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 083

You deserved it 1 717

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 417

You deserved it 3 050

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 244

You deserved it 45 072

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 5 180

House rules

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 22:00

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 1 198

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 4 976

I'm on fire

By Jyocka - 26/04/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 285

You deserved it 27 118

Cool moves

By Juanna - 13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 679

You deserved it 4 521

By bigmistake - 24/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 126

You deserved it 17 965

FrancesShiver 20

Saturday 12 July 2014 11:53

Well at least he wants to protect you...?

iLike2Teabag 27

Saturday 12 July 2014 12:40

To be fair, if I were the dad, I wood want to make sure the guy isn't a prick.

Comments

blazerman_fml 17

Saturday 12 July 2014 13:12

Picking up something you dropped?Proposing?Begging him to love you forever and ever?So many endless possibilities that don't involve sex.You could just tell him what actually happened though.Good luck.

TechFire 25

Saturday 12 July 2014 21:10

I love how two of the possibilities you gave are just as bad as having had sex too young.

coffeeandsquares 10

Saturday 12 July 2014 13:31

valid question

eddyinfinity 21

Saturday 12 July 2014 14:28

Dad was wondering why she did not want to use some proper toothpaste at home

Curlytwirly22 17

Saturday 12 July 2014 14:28

You should tell him exactly this: 'dad I'm a grown up young lady you really don't trust that you have raised me well enough to know what I've been doing on a date?! Anyways I was going to tell you how I'd gotten these but now that I know how little you think of me I don't think I want to so good night dad I'm going to bed now!!'

singer0421 32

Saturday 12 July 2014 15:31

Yes, storming away in an angry fit of rage is definitely the best way to show the father how mature and trustworthy she is.

domolovesyoshi 33

Saturday 12 July 2014 21:12

No one suggested that you say it in a fit of rage just calmly and assuredly say it then again calmly walk of to bed with a disappointed and hurt look on your face.

deebiedoobie 13

Saturday 12 July 2014 14:32

Why would he bother asking you if, in his mind, he already knows what you were doing? Just tell him the truth and don't try hard to convince him, otherwise it really will sound like you're lying.

Epikouros 31

Saturday 12 July 2014 15:09

Just reassure him you didn't do anything that could get you pregnant. That should stop him worrying, right?

ZorroRooster 19

Saturday 12 July 2014 15:14

That's just rotten luck, OP. Congrats on your grounding? I cant imagine he would believe you

abc_1_2_3 12

Saturday 12 July 2014 16:07

Well? Tell him why you were on your knees, im sure he wants to know ;)

Hozu 3

Saturday 12 July 2014 16:33

Is he really dumb enough to believe that she'd kneel on wood to do what he thought she did? Even without getting splinters that would be fairly painful to kneel on for a period of time.