Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
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Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
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Top comments
Ukeee_X 19
You let your parrot see/hear those things? I couldn't do it with an audience. Again, you should get a gag.
karlcolt45 19
I don't think I could keep my compass pointed north with a parrot in the room...you must have a very accommodating boyfriend
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Comments (68)
skyeyez9 24
Just tell people your parrot likes to watch HBO and that's where he learned those sounds. Be happy your's didn't learn to imitate a jackhammer like my friend's african grey. It picked it up from construction outside their apartment 10yrs ago.
kishorekumar_a 10
It's your parrot taking revenge at you for the lines after lines of nonsense you made it repeat after you... 3:)
andyyroxx 20
"Polly, say hello!" " *sub bass* Nnnnnnnnghhhhhaaaahhhh."
RebornUnicorn 16
Sexually frustrated parrots these days...
Jacksparrow72 21
Put him in the freezer with a dead chicken and he'll straighten up.
mcar 13
Sounds like parrots are like children.. Repeating almost everything they hear haha.
ShyAnn29 14
If you say something long enough, they'll repeat it!
xTrepidation 14
You can always try to blame the neighbors!
frankenfinger 12
I had parrots as a kid and I find this funny
ohsheeshyalll 2
Hey, free burglar alarm.
Wimoweh 10
Yeah, it's good to leave the pets out of earshot when you make those noises. Saves your pets and your guests the audial trauma.