Work: Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the... - FML

02/04/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 031

You deserved it 3 655

Broken heart

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Commando

03/09/2014 01:35

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 706

You deserved it 5 643

11/11/2018 05:00

Today, my ex-wife, who I have a 1000-yard restraining order against since she threatened my new wife and our kids, moved into a house down the street. The police say they can't do anything because her house is more than 1000 yards from mine. It's 1012 yards away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 553

You deserved it 207

30/04/2016 01:08 - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 539

You deserved it 2 511

Trust

By Anonymous - 14/07/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I found out from some guy that he and my wife had been having an affair for over year. She confessed to everything, and said they had already broken it off. She also admitted that she would've never mentioned it to me if I'd never found out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 71

30/03/2013 01:29 - France - Geaune

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 145

You deserved it 4 077

17/03/2018 19:00

Today, I got a promotion because my boss “accidentally” had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 722

You deserved it 380

04/04/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 325

You deserved it 34 451

26/01/2009 00:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 040

You deserved it 8 214

29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Spicy

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 889

You deserved it 9 094

17/11/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that in my relationship with my significant other, the roles are switched. We went out for a nice dinner, I paid, and when we got home he "had a headache" and asked for an aspirin so he could go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 173

You deserved it 6 961

16/10/2010 09:57 - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 549

You deserved it 27 278

01/11/2012 21:18 - United States - Johnson City

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 359

You deserved it 8 860

Big baby man

By HSPARKS - 12/05/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 920

09/01/2013 16:42 - United Kingdom - Helensburgh

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 895

You deserved it 32 993

01/01/2013 00:55 - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 474

You deserved it 3 907

07/02/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 401

You deserved it 2 403

Paranoid much?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 157

10/06/2012 18:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 585

You deserved it 5 934

04/01/2009 21:43 - France

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 250

You deserved it 6 722

24/09/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 196

You deserved it 2 278

19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 766

You deserved it 3 064

20/04/2013 00:16 - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 723

You deserved it 3 369

28/01/2014 19:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 647

You deserved it 4 309

26/09/2013 13:50 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 061

You deserved it 3 480

26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 2 365

Abuse

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 17:01

Today, I was taking Zoom classes. We live in a one-bedroom apartment, which means I could hear my mom and dad fighting. I didn't notice that my mic wasn't muted. Everyone in my class now thinks that CPS needs to be called to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 230

I keep mine hidden

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 20:00

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 100

12/06/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 209

You deserved it 2 144

25/05/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 359

You deserved it 4 822

Checks and balances

By letmefallasleep - 01/04/2020 14:00

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 219

01/01/2018 01:30

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 244

You deserved it 397

Cheers

By toastynippies - 24/02/2015 19:32 - United States

Today, my mom sent me a picture of a blank piece of paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 147

You deserved it 3 204

15/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 383

You deserved it 8 072

23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 948

You deserved it 6 416

06/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 7 699

10/04/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 890

You deserved it 3 129

08/10/2012 09:12 - Australia - Morphett Vale

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 872

You deserved it 6 069

29/03/2015 19:54 - United States - Wheaton

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 2 513

02/04/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 948

You deserved it 391

29/06/2014 00:26 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 144

You deserved it 5 256

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:58

Today, I stopped to talk to a depressed-looking coworker in the elevator. I tried to cheer him up by saying, "At least we still have a job, right?" Turns out he just got laid off. FML

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Sunday 29 May 2011 16:58

Today, I was having another hard day at work. I stepped in an elevator to go to lunch, when another co-worker stepped in. I asked him,"How goes it?" He answered,"It goes." I tried to be nice, telling him that at least we had jobs. He told me he was laid off. FML

Comments

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:06

this is really more of a FME than a FML...

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Monday 18 October 2010 2:24

A least you got laid... off

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Sunday 29 May 2011 16:58

Today, I was having another hard day at work. I stepped in an elevator to go to lunch, when another co-worker stepped in. I asked him,"How goes it?" He answered,"It goes." I tried to be nice, telling him that at least we had jobs. He told me he was laid off. FML

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:09

I hate elevator small talk. Did you proceed to punch him in the gut? Cuz you probably won't see him again...sorry about the lay off...

Topasofmagic 17

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Saturday 7 December 2013 19:57

Why would OP punch him in the gut? The coworker didn't do anything to deserve that. :/

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:24

lol. he must feel bad. what are you doing playing on this site instead of looking for a job?

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Tuesday 6 May 2014 15:57

He is obviously venting

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:26

You should have answered truthfully lol, but still that's pretty lousy.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:35

Piss in his petrol tank. That was just spiteful. Good luck getting a better job with nicer people.

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Tuesday 21 July 2015 17:38

The coworker might not have known OP was fired

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:36

Ouch. but agreed with #3....get on that....

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:46

#4, how was what he said untruthful? He didn't lie, he just said "it goes". Maybe he didn't want to talk about it right away. #3, yeah because posting an FML takes all day. I'm sure he's looking for another job.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:50

FHL, because if you explained things to him, I'm sure he felt like crap. Foot, meet mouth.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:56

Ouch, sucker punch to the gut and he didn't know it... I'm sure he felt terrible about it later when he found out (if he did that is) Maybe we'll even get a 'Today, I got into the lift with a colleague already inside. Trying to be friendly I tried starting a bit of small talk. He seemed down, so to reassure him I said, "At least we have a job." I later found out he was fired. FML' But best of luck with finding a new job though.

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Thursday 2 April 2009 16:58

Today, I stopped to talk to a depressed-looking coworker in the elevator. I tried to cheer him up by saying, "At least we still have a job, right?" Turns out he just got laid off. FML

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 115

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136