Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, and for the past three months, I've been stuck in a group project with three students who spend 90% of their time talking to each other. This project is mandatory to graduate, and a team effort is practically required in order to do well. I can already feel senioritis kicking in. FML
Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML
Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML
Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML
Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML
Today, my boss shouted and screamed at me for my fuck ups that have humiliated the company and cost thousands to put right. It was only when he paused that I was able to tell him he had the wrong guy, he wanted my coworker down the hall. I’ve been here for four years and he still doesn’t know my name. FML
Today, like most days, I spent my lunch break with a sandwich in one hand while typing with the other, trying to keep up with my work load, while my coworker took a nap. We're supposed to be doing the same job, but he refuses to learn most of the software. The boss is fine with this. FML
Today, the cafe lady misnamed me Michael. I corrected her and jokingly exclaimed that Michael must be really handsome if she mistook me for him. She simply responded, “No, not really.” FML
Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML
Today, I finally noticed that my new coworker, with whom I have to share an office, starts every sentence with, "I mean…", then a pause, then says whatever he has to say. I can't un-notice it now, and it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
DocBastard approves of Michael.
bmkc4 1
Maybe he is autistic
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Comments (175)
DocBastard 40
DocBastard approves of Michael.
TheDrifter 24
DocBastard doesn't make eye contact? TheDrifter likes that, eye contact makes TheDrifter uncomfortable.
boating_guy 33
Well OP, if you act the same way, y'all win get along fine! (let him do the work)
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Resume commenting Doc. FML needs you now more than ever.
fthislyfe 22
DocBastard remind me of Dr. House
KiddNYC1O 22
49- That... that was so sweet...
EyesofStone 27
Doc, I have to agree with 49. It's my lifelong dream to comment beside you! Well, not really. I'm not that sad. But I still would like to keep seeing you around. As for the FML. I'm kind of wondering if Michael himself wrote this.
Marteeny23 19
52- NEVER compare Doc to House. EVER. He hates House.
KiddNYC1O 22
Thanks for the laugh, 63.
l23VIVE 17
I'm with you there 63, being even 1/16th as good as Doc would make me the happiest FMLer out there, if Doc leaves I will leave! Everyone! Join the "If Doc Leaves we leave too" campaign!
megamandude455 10
megamandude455 liked DocBastard's comment
colliebuddz420 7
Op are you Michael ? Lol
Zapzip2013 0
Look at his screen name...
thatKidzmOm 10
Doc, I'm glad you're still around commenting and such. If you leave FML, just please don't stop blogging too!!!
dumboears 8
Did anyone else wonder if Michael is OP? Just a thought.
dude1122332 9
I dunno why I find this funny.
noisebox 1
Michael on the other hand is well suited to see a psychiatrist.....
Blackhawk706 23
Blackhawk706 aspires to be more like Michael.
Abbyybba 0
Time to take up drinking!!
dubstep12 8
Yes, since drinking solves everything ._.
mylifesucks_fml 1
it does if this Michael is similar to one I know -_-
ThisIsMyReign 4
Tell Michael, OP shall do the same.
olpally 33
I'm not like that at all, op!
erik7774 1
Wtf does op mean
Z03y 7
Orange Pony
olpally 33
58- I'll save you the jokes of- orangutan ****, obvious poopstain, ovary puncher, and other various jokes... It means the original poster of the person who wrote the FML.. :D welcome to FML!
pokefan813 16
58 - google is your friend! It saved me from a line of OP jokes that in my opinion aren't that funny.
Arthurie 30
Lock your doors and your car when you leave and get home. This guy sounds insane and unsafe.
bmkc4 1
He doesn't sound unsafe and insane, he sounds like he has a medical condition
rustylane 6
Overreaction?
Arthurie 30
My comment is meant for in the case of if Michael doesn't have a medical condition.
Rowdey 10
OH MY GOD! It's raining outside! Right outside! It is unsafe and insane!
kitkatmeOw 8
And he's going to break into your bedroom too! Hide your spouse and possible kids! -rolls eyes sarcastically-
ALpein 0
33, I thought that chick behind you had a tiny arm from the thumbnail.
Len351 3
He sounds like he has issues and should be in a special class. His parents probably think nothing is wrong with him. Ignorance is bliss but at what price for everyone else.
robinhood007 9
I think this could be one person that you wouldn't want to have dislike you. So, just be nice.
robinhood007 9
Not to be rude or anything but I've noticed that people like that tend to have strong emotions when agitated for whatever reason. He could be different but it's best not to chance it. And in any case, you should always be nice.
TheDrudgeChild 4
I don't even understand why OP posted his name to begin with instead of a simple pronoun. It's not nice at all.
McNerdyNerd 8
I'm pretty sure Michael isn't his actual name, if that's what you meant...false names and such
bmkc4 1
Maybe he is autistic
TheDrifter 24
Or schitzophrenic.
ShyAnn29 15
6, I was thinking the same thing!
DontModMeDammit 10
Maybe he just has a bad case of diarrhea?
Rowdey 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Schizophrenia is generally a multiple personality disorder, buddy.
evilplatypus 39
Schizophrenia is NOT multiple personality disorder (also known as dissociative identity disorder). They are two completely different things.
olpally 33
I can see this thread having 40 or more replies having the discussion about schizophrenia by tonight... *I'm outta here* btw, I think the guy is just completely weird. *runs away*
Marteeny23 19
It sounds a lot like autism to me. My sister is autistic and that's how she used to act in a social situation.
BubbleGrunge 18
Wow your starting to make Alexis rethink her psyche. She often refers to herself in third person. She always thought it was from working with kids, but maybe not...
MindFreakazoid 10
48- if this Micheal child is autistic, you can go to hell, my little brother is autistic and anyone who makes fun of him or autistic kids, I make sure they'll think twice. So shut up if you don't know the details
l23VIVE 17
Did anyone consider Aspergers? Lot' of guys at my step-mother's workplace act like this (well except the speaking in 3rd person thing) and most of them have Aspergers
olpally 33
I'm already there. Don't worry.. Telling me to go to hell for trying to make a comment... Nice person you are. I'm sorry to hear that. :(
MindFreakazoid 10
Your comment was stupid and unnecessary /: couldn't you just be nice to the poor kid? He could have a medical condition, or I dunno maybe he's just kidding, just stop being prejudice, ok?
olpally 33
Alright, I'm sorry... My name is Michael btw...
MindFreakazoid 10
Yay :D it's alright and meh, it's just a name
Isa_fml 20
Incorrect.
Justy101 23
76- I don't think OP was making fun of him. Some people are just not aware of the symptoms of Autism or Asperges. If someone isn't familiar with the symptoms, it might freak them out a little when the autism shows.
Justin23L 2
Autistic reporter Michael Falk?
isaiaah 6
Your rudeness is unnecessary. Don't have to call someone stupid just for showing their opinion.
_daisy89_ 4
I agree with the autistic comments. You shouldn't be so quick to judge people.
WoldowJR 25
As a person with Aspergers Syndrome, I can confirm that most of Michael's quirks tend to stem from mild autism. Assuming that someone is autistic when given reasonable evidence is NOT, in ANY WAY, an insult. Those who claim that "autistic" is an insult are far more offensive to me than those who generalize autistic symptoms.
lexiieeex3 32
Aspergers is a form of mild autism, friends.
Kbearlove23 0
Try and be friends with him q:.
uJelly24 1
I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a face at the end.
Kbearlove23 0
It Is. And this Stupid comment got Spammed twice . Sorry >.
absolutegrrr 7
I tried to make my face do that. Doesn't work.
Kbearlove23 0
Lower case Q
hotPinklipstick 24
I'm sure 41 meant their actual face, not a keyboard face.
XtraEzeee 8
OBVIOUSLY it's a gangster, wearing his hat sideways, who's lips are puckered and moved to the lower right region of his chin. Duh.
Kbearlove23 0
Well idk lets just go with what number 51 said
quontag 15
Michael doesn't have friends. :|
Xcherrypie 16
Aspergers, I would say.
SousapCody 6
Aaaaaaaaaaaa
geko911 22
Autism more then asperger syndrome, the latter being generally milder than the first.
Xcherrypie 16
Yes I know. Working with asd is my specialty.
KiddNYC1O 22
I love me some assburgers.
MindFreakazoid 10
One of my friends has as aspergers, and my brother has autism, I think you're right, they both kinda act like Micheal does and shut the fudge up 74 that's not funny. THATS REALLY cruel.
TheDrudgeChild 4
74 - very mature, it's not like any Aspergers sufferers have to deal with that tired joke every day of their lives. I have a high-functioning form of it, and people like you just make me roll my eyes.
MindFreakazoid 10
83- you tell 'em! :) I like you kid, some people just need to be told over an over until they get the big idea
donut_gurl 8
actually, aspburger's is milder in most cases than autism
Haha_oh_wait 4
Does it also cause you to roll your burgers out of your ass? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
KiddNYC1O 22
Sigh. Sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive. It was an old FML reference.
perdix 31
#12, you mean there really is such a thing? I always thought it was Ass-burger's Syndrome -- like someone who was rude and insensitive was being an Ass Burger (whatever the hell that means.) For the longest time, I thought the elderly were stricken with Ol' Timer's Disease. When someone told me it was Alzheimer's, they thought I had it!
speshlk37 13
Michael!
redreynard 14
Myers?
speshlk37 13
It was supposed to be like Timmy from South Park. Fail.
rcgirl2 11
Jackson? Tyson? Jordan? Game 6?
olpally 33
*raises hand and says* Present! :)
redreynard 14
62, and I'm supposed to be able to tell from your initial comment? Fail.
speshlk37 13
Yeah, the fail that I posted up there was actually meant for me, not you. So...fail.
redreynard 14
Ah. We both fail.
Yetifoot 0
Livin a lie!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Ball so hard muthafuckers wanna fine me.
Kbearlove23 0
Try and be friends with him q:.