Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Is his first name R. and last name Kelly by any chance?
MetalxSoldier 26
He was trying to show dominance.
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Comments (31)
DanielleinDC 34
Yuck, I'm sorry, OP. I hope this isn't the sort of thing that happens often (him getting drunk and pissing in a spot that isn't the toilet, I mean). If it is, he needs to get help.
crsyldy 19
He's not that unique. /eyeroll
RennaBender282 3
I feel your pain... I got projectile vomit slung on to me by my husband.. while we were at a friends house. Needless to say we put him back in the bathroom to sleep in the rest of the night and I was thankful I had extra clothes in my car.
0neiros 14
As a man, you are hereby entitled to one free Dick Punch, time and place to be determened solely by you with no forewarning whatsoever.
Hammer01 8
Next time you should put a diaper on him.
interexntsc 12
congratulations on writing in true FML style. Sorry you got pissed on though.
HylianBadger 21
Some people are into that. But I take it that you're not one of them. Sorry, OP.
andrmac 25
I don't see the pepper symbol!?!? Where is it cause that's just hot.
crethan33 6
plot twist he wasnt drunk at all and just wanted to piss on you.
ljennette25 12
My dad did this to my mom once. He was never much of a drinker but he got wasted one night and I was woken up by my mom screaming because he peed on her. she was smacking him and kicked him out of the house and made him sleep on the front porch