By Katy3225 - United States - Rockaway Park

First Impression

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3483

You deserved it

1619

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Season finale

Freak out

By Wick - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15987

You deserved it

115140

Tweet

Share

By H-B - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17571

You deserved it

88774

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20672

You deserved it

8823

Tweet

Share

By MommyProblems - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47910

You deserved it

6838

Tweet

Share

By W T F - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43720

You deserved it

3592

Tweet

Share

By beka

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2105

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32800

You deserved it

11265

Tweet

Share

By pimpslaprequired - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33886

You deserved it

4831

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13933

You deserved it

41687

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Taunton

Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19865

You deserved it

2335

Tweet

Share

By coppervains - United States - Livonia

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53570

You deserved it

8147

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29677

You deserved it

5818

Tweet

Share

By Worky Workerton - United States - Oakland

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11689

You deserved it

841

Tweet

Share

By 00anon00 - 2/7/2020 02:01

Animalistic

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By mandm - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39170

You deserved it

4921

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Killington

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28374

You deserved it

4472

Tweet

Share

By neckcrack - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19122

You deserved it

23965

Tweet

Share

By PublicToiletEspionage - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57593

You deserved it

4231

Tweet

Share

By yummy(: - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21846

You deserved it

27299

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

BURN

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, “Don’t worry sweetie. It will get better!” to which I responded, “What will get better?” She smiled at me and said, “Your face.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

4609

You deserved it

348

Tweet

Share

By ThatHurts - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18265

You deserved it

34423

Tweet

Share

By AllieOops - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36395

You deserved it

3006

Tweet

Share

By deadbunnies - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47845

You deserved it

9147

Tweet

Share

By wherermypants - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8404

You deserved it

28239

Tweet

Share

By alerra - 20/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Not mine

Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2191

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By lovekills99 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23585

You deserved it

4233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Sneaky

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1798

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By

Maybe he is gay!

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

304

You deserved it

29

Tweet

Share

By Loverscry - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29008

You deserved it

4629

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12985

You deserved it

28748

Tweet

Share

By oops - Australia - Wembley

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21503

You deserved it

50517

Tweet

Share

By fuck off you fucking shitburglar - United Kingdom - London

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24690

You deserved it

1427

Tweet

Share

By okseñoryoucrazy - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33947

You deserved it

2944

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86063

You deserved it

5353

Tweet

Share

By ThunderThighs - United States - Flemington

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38098

You deserved it

20399

Tweet

Share

By minime94 - United States - Sunset

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31769

You deserved it

2487

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6738

You deserved it

48918

Tweet

Share

By Coolkid. - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51545

You deserved it

3902

Tweet

Share

By monkeyzz - United States - Sonora

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28407

You deserved it

6925

Tweet

Share

By FML - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59630

You deserved it

10145

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By PhoenixChick | 26

#7644466 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 22:01

Time to teach them the economics of "I control your grades, fuck you"

By blahblabbity | 19

#7644517 - Thursday 7 June 2018 0:02

were they urine-stained, torn, K-Mart panties? did you not learn the first FML?

COMMENTS

By Ishvah | 15

#7644456 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:18

did you not check the mirror before you left.

Reply

kbrightness22 | 10

#7644562 - Thursday 7 June 2018 1:54

Different lighting can make things more see through

By RichardPencil | 29

#7644457 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:24

I guess you supplied their demand for a sexy lingerie show.

How did your zipper get pulled down anyways? I blame Adam Smith’s Invisible Hand. He’d be so busted in the MeToo era!

Reply

DraftHail614 | 17

#7644552 - Thursday 7 June 2018 1:27

I'm sorry, man. I gotta say this. Your comment used to be so good

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7644658 - Thursday 7 June 2018 8:34

You obviously don't know shit about economics. If you did, you'd like this comment!

Reply

Simi TheSimtown | 6

#7646585 - Monday 11 June 2018 15:08

I've done economics, it's a funny comment

By swervelol | 28

#7644460 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:38

There must have been some bad lighting that made Op's pants see though. So sorry OP! That must've been awful, but at least you'll be the professor they will never forget that's for sure!

Reply

julfunky | 29

#7644474 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 22:14

Bad lighting wouldn’t make pants see through, bad/cheap fabric would.

Bad lighting at home is what caused her to be unable to notice this in a mirror.

By Emma Eisnor | 14

#7644463 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:50

Well... that’s awkward. Sorry that happened to you OP

By Akitakat | 31

#7644464 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:57

Tell them it was actually a test to see what exactly they were focused on & how easily they can be distracted.

By PhoenixChick | 26

#7644466 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 22:01

Time to teach them the economics of "I control your grades, fuck you"

By John Nemeth | 14

#7644516 - Wednesday 6 June 2018 23:59

Might as well own it at that point.

By blahblabbity | 19

#7644517 - Thursday 7 June 2018 0:02

were they urine-stained, torn, K-Mart panties? did you not learn the first FML?

By real life problems | 26

#7644525 - Thursday 7 June 2018 0:11

Instead of dinner and a show, they got a lecture and a show. School isn't like I remember it to be.

By Ralph Tan | 7

#7644583 - Thursday 7 June 2018 4:02

Guess more student will be attending your class