Work and School: First Impression

First Impression

By Katy3225 - 06/06/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 508

You deserved it 1 639

Work School

Our house, in the middle of our street

Taking stock

Huge balls

How's the diet going?

By Anonymous - 04/08/2020 20:01

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 1 151

Brotherly love

By Foodcomesfirst - 24/11/2009 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 050

You deserved it 3 676

By Oops - 18/11/2018 21:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 827

You deserved it 233

By Cody - 30/12/2008 09:35 - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 886

You deserved it 2 296

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 859

You deserved it 20 152

By GAGirl1 - 01/05/2014 21:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 7 203

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 887

You deserved it 5 088

By blegh - 27/12/2011 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 005

You deserved it 8 840

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 110

Annoying neighbors ruin everything

By so much for relaxing - 21/07/2021 06:01

Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 22/02/2015 16:09 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 2 137

By LightsOut - 21/05/2013 22:47 - United States - Melbourne

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 701

You deserved it 3 390

Everyone's an expert

By whatever mom - 23/07/2020 14:02

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 138

By matish - 20/09/2018 13:30

Today, despite having long hair and wearing makeup and a dress, I was still mistaken for a man several times. I'm a girl and I was born a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 938

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 821

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 580

You deserved it 8 386

By harambae - 11/09/2016 17:10 - United States - La Grange

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 154

You deserved it 3 130

By Anonymous - 23/10/2015 20:10 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going". She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 826

You deserved it 2 447

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 22:25 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 536

You deserved it 1 332

Have kid they said, it'll be great they said

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 02:00

Today, my son is a real ass. My mother died and he literally only booked off half a day to attend his own grandmother's funeral, doesn’t plan to spend time with me after the burial, and since he booked it, all he has done is complain about the three meetings he’s going to miss that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 228

By unfortunategeek - 23/12/2010 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 402

You deserved it 7 562

By Confusedfiance - 16/10/2018 05:00

Today, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying she found my fiancé's tinder profile. I told her there was no way it was true. It actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 082

You deserved it 223

By Justanotherwreck - 20/04/2019 16:00

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 3 930

By nyaahaha - 02/09/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 049

You deserved it 20 660

By nycplywood - 18/11/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 372

You deserved it 32 019

By Safe - 17/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 369

You deserved it 5 005

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 677

You deserved it 3 437

By daRN - 02/07/2009 19:34 - Bahrain

Today, my sister just had a huge fight with my mom. After that, she thought it was appropriate to smash my $1,000 guitar to "blow off some steam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 008

You deserved it 3 076

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 16:32 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 359

You deserved it 4 891

By Noname - 29/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 3 892

By Ugh - 14/06/2016 20:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 566

You deserved it 1 042

By Anonymous - 24/04/2017 22:00

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 714

You deserved it 223

By 1000dollarspoor - 07/10/2009 09:25 - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 801

You deserved it 10 054

By argument invalid? - 27/02/2019 16:00

Today, I got written up and may be placed under suspension due to my recent 5 consecutive day unscheduled absence. When I told them I was on a Bereavement Leave, they still will not accept my excuse because its still considered as "unscheduled". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 178

Private Freakout

By Roida - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 305

You deserved it 2 707

By hot coffee - 12/07/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 765

You deserved it 27 052

By Nykole McAllister - 15/09/2018 17:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 254

By TheFlash - 22/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 365

You deserved it 65 447

By ZZ - 30/06/2009 03:01 - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 536

You deserved it 66 635

By ltwlty - 20/09/2016 07:07 - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 747

You deserved it 1 383

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Top comments

PhoenixChick 26

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Wednesday 6 June 2018 22:01

Time to teach them the economics of "I control your grades, fuck you"

blahblabbity 19

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Thursday 7 June 2018 0:02

were they urine-stained, torn, K-Mart panties? did you not learn the first FML?

Ishvah 15

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Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:18

did you not check the mirror before you left.

kbrightness22 10

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Thursday 7 June 2018 1:54

Different lighting can make things more see through

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:24

I guess you supplied their demand for a sexy lingerie show. How did your zipper get pulled down anyways? I blame Adam Smith’s Invisible Hand. He’d be so busted in the MeToo era!

DraftHail614 17

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Thursday 7 June 2018 1:27

I'm sorry, man. I gotta say this. Your comment used to be so good

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 7 June 2018 8:34

You obviously don't know shit about economics. If you did, you'd like this comment!

Simi TheSimtown 6

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Monday 11 June 2018 15:08

I've done economics, it's a funny comment

swervelol 28

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Wednesday 6 June 2018 21:38

There must have been some bad lighting that made Op's pants see though. So sorry OP! That must've been awful, but at least you'll be the professor they will never forget that's for sure!

julfunky 29

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Wednesday 6 June 2018 22:14

Bad lighting wouldn’t make pants see through, bad/cheap fabric would. Bad lighting at home is what caused her to be unable to notice this in a mirror.