By Warriorwizzle - Vietnam - Hanoi

Ewwwwwwww

Today, I had to move down to the third floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. The rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I'm not okay. FML

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Mother of the year

Sorry…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By maddieex - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

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By Sam

Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

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By niii - France

Today, as I often do, I had a shag in my old car. I am 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we are still living at our parents' house. FML

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By Someguy - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

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By awkward - United States

Dirty talk

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

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By Dumbass - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

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By Gg - United Kingdom

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

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By sucker - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

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By Emily - 28/12/2020 17:01

Gun control

Today, only a few hours after getting certified and buying my first pistol, I dropped it and blew off two of my toes. FML

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By Matthew - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

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By missblue97 - United States

Today, my dad asked my step-mom if he could get some booty before bed because he still had energy. He didn't realize I was still in the room. FML

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By

Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

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By CambodianAsshole - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 20:01

She's lost control again

Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML

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By Anonymous

The student becomes the master

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

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By bitchface - United States

Plans

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2021 17:01

Cheating cheater

Today, one of our local news stations decided it was the perfect day to film random people at the beach. I saw myself on TV, holding hands with my side chick. I hope my girlfriend doesn’t watch the news. FML

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By FMyLife5915

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

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By IJustWantedCheez - United States - San Antonio

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

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By roze198765 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

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By Stranded - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

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By wasp infestation - United States - Aurora

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Quiet

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

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By Nora - United States - Fargo

Today, I went to the doctor for the second time, because I've had a cough for about six weeks. In my first appointment, the nurse said it was just allergies and condescendingly gave me a brochure with a recipe for salt water. Turns out it's pneumonia. FML

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By testesential - United States

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

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By emmmbo - Australia

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

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By Picaresque - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

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By knee pain - United States

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

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By momlife - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

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By alexander - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

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By I need cuddles

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

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By quarterback - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

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By ooblie - United States

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

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By sexyfail - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

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By Dave - United States

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7737878 - Friday 14 December 2018 22:21

"It's Raining Maggots" just doesn't have the same ring to it as "It's Raining Men."

By RichardPencil | 30

#7737887 - Friday 14 December 2018 23:17

Then you got evicted for having unauthorized pets.

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7737878 - Friday 14 December 2018 22:21

"It's Raining Maggots" just doesn't have the same ring to it as "It's Raining Men."

By LettBruce | 8

#7737883 - Friday 14 December 2018 22:54

if you are in a metal band, there are some super sweet albumtitles here

By ned diggers | 14

#7737885 - Friday 14 December 2018 23:04

Given your location, you might say you're "Hanoi'ed". You know someone was going to make this joke eventually.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7737887 - Friday 14 December 2018 23:17

Then you got evicted for having unauthorized pets.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7737902 - Saturday 15 December 2018 0:33

This reminds me of that episode of CSI: Miami.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7737907 - Saturday 15 December 2018 1:12

So it didn't occur to you or the landlord to check the traps at least once everyday?

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 33

#7738180 - Saturday 15 December 2018 19:17

OP shouldn’t be responsible for checking them.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7737910 - Saturday 15 December 2018 1:39

You stayed in the same building? I would have razed it to the ground, turned the rubble into dust, then set the dust on fire.

By vikirosecamel | 20

#7737913 - Saturday 15 December 2018 1:54

Welcome to Hanoi 🤣
I read this in Hanoi beautiful O.P

By blahblabbity | 19

#7737938 - Saturday 15 December 2018 4:22

i think i saw this on Reddit

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7738233 - Saturday 15 December 2018 23:03

How did you learn about it?

By storm74 | 9

#7738091 - Saturday 15 December 2018 13:13

You're supposed to check the traps and dispose of the dead animals, not leave them there to rot. What did you think would happen, they'd magically disappear?