Miscellaneous: Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain...

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 409

You deserved it 4 607

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

Dementia or hate? You decide

Red flag

By Shoutout1011 - 15/04/2017 22:00

Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 555

You deserved it 454

By psd60 - 06/12/2012 07:18 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 253

You deserved it 4 183

By fcnk - 18/06/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 194

You deserved it 18 002

By KidKillah - 01/09/2012 04:07 - United States - Napa

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 992

You deserved it 3 167

Am I a ghost to you?

By AJ. - 19/08/2021 14:01

Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 280

By anonymous - 03/01/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 794

You deserved it 5 031

By Angelofkarma - 25/05/2009 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314 397

You deserved it 173 240

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 1 895

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 165

You deserved it 58 350

By wastedbaby - 04/07/2011 02:02 - United States

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 667

You deserved it 3 751

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 797

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 08:21 - United States - Pomona

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 838

You deserved it 1 434

By suspicious - 05/07/2013 02:26 - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 090

You deserved it 2 937

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 16:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 335

You deserved it 1 721

By jgboy - 14/09/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 091

You deserved it 9 470

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 79

By ipodless - 13/10/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 235

You deserved it 4 310

Wrap it

By Anonymous - 09/07/2020 20:02

Today, my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for a year, decided to tell me that he has herpes and has not taken any precautions to stop it from passing on. We have had unprotected sex quite a lot over the last year, so now I most likely have herpes too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 475

By alexo - 23/05/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 2 517

By melmel - 05/05/2014 05:07 - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 679

You deserved it 4 536

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 17:04 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 157

Mystery

By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 205

By lefthandspanker - 27/08/2015 16:34 - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 821

You deserved it 1 613

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 847

You deserved it 55 443

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 15:47 - United States - Peachtree City

Today, we had a surprise party for my boss. Someone turned out all the lights. I was so scared of the dark, the first thing my boss saw when he walked in was all my co-workers watching me scream, "TURN IT ON!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 16 948

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 22:48 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 632

You deserved it 1 176

By manda8484 - 01/11/2016 05:12 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 705

You deserved it 792

Everyone's an expert

By yaa - 17/04/2020 17:00

Today, my sister's husband, who's never even been to college let alone medical school, told me that my cancer is not hereditary, despite a deep family history. He instead swears it's due to my "poor lifestyle and eating habits." Mind you, he's a 300 lbs, fall-down drunk with multiple DUIs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 150

By vhtdgjj - 29/11/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 280

You deserved it 46 833

By sosadstudent - 20/04/2011 20:52 - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 652

You deserved it 4 349

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 16:46 - Ireland - Bagenalstown

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 006

You deserved it 14 806

By Anonymous - 10/08/2016 14:10 - Serbia - Pancevo

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 818

You deserved it 1 379

By fmylife. - 29/11/2010 18:02 - Canada

Today, while I was out of the house, my 6 year old brother stole my new waterproof camera, dunked it into the toilet holding onto the wrist strap, and flushed repeatedly to see if it lived up to its "waterproof promise." It didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 466

You deserved it 3 733

By artiemilano - 15/10/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 958

You deserved it 3 534

By ihateithere - 25/03/2019 20:00

Today, I had to decide between buying medicine and buying food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 588

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 16:00

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 190

By tine - 16/11/2014 09:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 519

You deserved it 3 760

By tammy - 15/08/2010 17:24 - France

Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 4 273

By JeezyCherieze - 11/04/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 089

You deserved it 4 030

By Anonymous - 16/03/2014 14:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 217

You deserved it 3 550

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Top comments

charvisioku 22

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:59

Someone should have lit the fart - a ballerina gliding through the air with a fire trail coming out of her arse would be a magnificent sight to behold.

RaveBlade 4

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:55

Well at least you were able to continue without pain afterwards?

RaveBlade 4

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:55

Well at least you were able to continue without pain afterwards?

ShyAnn29 14

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Saturday 29 December 2012 18:03

Yeah, only one fart isn't a big deal, much better than bad stomach pain!

GlitterValentina 12

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Saturday 29 December 2012 19:26

At least she didn't pass out from nervousness.

Inheritance 10

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Saturday 29 December 2012 19:30

Takes a whole new meaning of, 'silent, but deadly.'

buck33 14

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Saturday 29 December 2012 20:15

69 - No, it doesn't.

Meettitan 14

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Saturday 29 December 2012 22:05

69- It was loud and awkward.

102Percent 5

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Sunday 30 December 2012 9:58

Well OP, this could have done wonders for you. When you farted in mid-air, you shouldn't have felt ashamed, rather, thankful. The fart could have been used in your advantage, giving you extra flight. Shoulda done a flip.

rocketiquette 20

Saturday 29 December 2012 15:56

I have nothing.... Bummer. Hope you aren't a nervous tooter.

lilhellian 26

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:35

If you have nothing then why try and take top comment from a comment that could make us all laugh?

gysgtware 4

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Saturday 29 December 2012 17:56

She has her awesome pic! Smoking!

rocketiquette 20

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Saturday 29 December 2012 18:06

Sorry didn't know there was a petty competition here. But thank you all for attending my funeral, it's my first burial.

gysgtware 4

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Saturday 29 December 2012 18:17

Life is a competition! I'll bring flowers.....

lilhellian 26

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Saturday 29 December 2012 18:35

*Plays funeral music* I do agree with 49 tho:)

rebecamp494 5

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Saturday 29 December 2012 23:57

Why did you even bother to comment if you "had nothing"? Bitch please...

redmane 21

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Sunday 30 December 2012 2:13

98- Why did you bother commenting when it was already pointed out?

rocketiquette 20

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Sunday 30 December 2012 6:02

98- calm your tits, I already got reemed out by the fml rents. But in all seriousness, I said "I got nothing" in the sense of "damn all I can really say is fuck that really sucks" hence "bummer". But thank you everyone for telling me that's a no no around here, I promise it won't happen again, please don't ground me.

ewang_ 12

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:56

Lay off the baked beans next time

howdeedoo 22

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:55

Are you saying that eating baked beans is the only thing that causes people to fart?

Enslaved 36

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Saturday 29 December 2012 17:03

I thought ballerinas only ate brown rice and vegetables. Lol Broccoli will make some gassy as hell.

illmatic2 16

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:56

Well if you kept going and pretended like it didn't happen then you should be just fine. If you lost all bearing after that then you're fucked.

cristy91 33

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Sunday 30 December 2012 1:28

Who knows, maybe that will be her winning ticket. If she continued nicely, it shows OP can handle herself under expected situations and can recover from even the most crippling of embarrassments.

sens3sfailing 24

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Sunday 30 December 2012 2:01

agreed. isnt part of being a great stage performer is being able to handle everything that is thrown at you? a lot of bravery and self confidence makes the best performers

YDIbroski 7

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:58

YDI for not letting it out beforehand.

Warden1986 16

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:16

Yes because we can always control, when we have to fart.

YDIbroski 7

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:37

I can.

21jason 9

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:41

Well aren't you just talented

lilhellian 26

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:52

23 Try and fart 34 times right this minute. I'm sure when you shit yourself you will learn just how much control there really is.. OR hold a fart in for 14 hours..

poccocurantes 7

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Saturday 29 December 2012 17:38

YDIbroski Things to do today 8:00 eat breakfast 8:30 remedial math class 9:45 meeting with student advisor 10:20 slip in the alley by the student union and let out the fart that has been building since breakfast. 10:25 English 101

buck33 14

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Saturday 29 December 2012 20:18

YDIbroski is simply a superior human being.

lilhellian 26

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Saturday 29 December 2012 20:27

75 That is a superior example of sarcasm. Well done, heres a cookie. *hands cookie*

charvisioku 22

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:59

Someone should have lit the fart - a ballerina gliding through the air with a fire trail coming out of her arse would be a magnificent sight to behold.