Intimacy: Dirty talk - FML

Dirty talk

By unlucky_number13 - 14/07/2009 09:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 908

You deserved it 62 715

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Same thing different taste

Thorough check

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 23:34 - United States - Akron

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 848

You deserved it 23 955

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 845

You deserved it 4 423

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 559

You deserved it 7 669

By Cassie - 21/05/2011 07:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 907

You deserved it 47 286

By tinytitty - 23/03/2009 03:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 346

You deserved it 9 253

By smellybelly - 02/03/2012 06:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 213

You deserved it 4 584

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 476

Steamy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 06:35

Spicy

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 3 304

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 954

You deserved it 6 100

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 727

You deserved it 20 096

Next

Top comments

henri_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:03

did you tell him you were saving it to make a blanket for winter?

vein 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:03

Ew, thats really gross. Take a bath. :(

Comments

allyiscute1 22

Tuesday 28 July 2015 5:03

At least he wants to continue(:

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I agree, your life sucks 58 035

You deserved it 3 331

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You deserved it 4 595

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I agree, your life sucks 11 183

You deserved it 1 111

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I agree, your life sucks 31 560

You deserved it 4 233