Today, I was singing the Peaches song from the Mario movie in the kitchen. My wife asked what I was singing, so I told her “It was the song from the Mario movie remember? We saw it together.” She says “No, we didn’t?” Then I realized she’s right. I’d taken my girlfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML
Today, I got caught singing '80s hair metal love ballads to myself in the car by the object of my affection. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML
Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML
Today, I connected my phone to my car’s Bluetooth to listen to music. I didn’t realize my playlist had shuffled onto an old voice memo where I'd drunkenly recorded myself singing a heartfelt love song about pizza. It played as my boss got in for our carpool to a conference. I had to sit through the drive while she hummed along to “Cheese, you complete me.” FML
Today, I was belting out the lyrics to a song I’ve loved for years, when my friend stopped me and asked why I was singing “kiss this guy.” Confused, I looked up the lyrics and realized I’ve been singing "kiss the sky" wrong for a decade. FML
Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML
Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with flowers and dinner reservations for our one-year anniversary. She looked confused and said, “Wait, we’re counting from the first time we hung out?” It turns out she thought we were still “just talking.” She also has a boyfriend. It’s not me. FML
Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Anderling 33
Both your wife and girlfriend deserve better than you.
Hangryko 32
You're an absolute asshole.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (8)
The_Real_Cvh 10
I’m guessing you took your girlfriend when you were already married. That should be frowned upon. But that’s not as bad as the fact that you know the words of the “Peaches” song.
Justkidding100 41
it's literally one word over and over again?
Anderling 33
Both your wife and girlfriend deserve better than you.
Hangryko 32
You're an absolute asshole.
poopface82 25
Two possibilities - you took your girlfriend last Friday, broke up with her, married a woman you just met and are a little confused, in which case, uhh, whoa, dude…or you’re not very smart.
noonereally 6
The irony of singing a love song when you do you give a shit about love. You're disgusting.
some_dumb_kid46 7
I sincerely hope you get caught
dreams2383 20
your scum!
Sonotsuave 37
Piece of shit