Love, Stalker and Scary: Creepy

Creepy

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 08:47 - Canada

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently duplicated my keys before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering, “He looks like Jesus.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 416

You deserved it 3 672

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 357

You deserved it 5 211

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 18:15 - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 728

You deserved it 1 652

By drugged_on_arrival - 10/09/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 214

You deserved it 16 831

By Anonymous - 17/04/2012 20:53 - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 372

You deserved it 2 040

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 440

You deserved it 805

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 649

You deserved it 4 567

By oh - 23/02/2016 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 552

You deserved it 2 096

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 992

You deserved it 108 901

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 378

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 053

You deserved it 4 731

Rebecca1993 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 16:20

._. boy do you know how to pick them.

xCrackerx 3

Sunday 20 December 2009 16:48

She sounds like a keeper. Always by your side, just like a dog. That's loyalty.

Comments

Myrenhi 0

Saturday 5 March 2011 10:19

Rofl this fml made me laugh out loud.

wafflesgirl24 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 20:04

put a chair against your door... be may be able to unlock the door but the chair will screw her up lol

Hansemans 17

Sunday 13 November 2011 16:26

And should she still manage to get in, there's still another way you can use the chair to keep her out.

D11Churchkill 8

Thursday 21 April 2011 5:15

if she's hot, you should've raped her

ArielTheMermaid 17

Sunday 29 May 2011 5:03

it wasn't funny until I read the jesus part....LOL

PlasmaVirus 4

Thursday 16 June 2011 20:00

You should've sent her to Hell.

AtomicBryce 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 10:43

holy fuching shit will now probably hav some horrific nitemears

EmoVampire13 3

Thursday 20 October 2011 7:54

hey, even as a straight guy i think jesus looks pretty attractive.

nessaspissed 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 6:18

Maybe she really thought you were Jesus...

rawrlove16 0

Sunday 20 November 2011 22:38

Time to get a restraining order 0.0 or a buy her a strait jacket and tell her it's an anniversary present.

dirty_harry_007 14

Thursday 1 December 2011 9:06

Wow that is so creepy! Are you sure it wasn't a dream? haha but yes, f your life!

Keywords

Relatable Health Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Kids Miscellaneous Mother in law AITA Social Media Love Relationship advice Art Work Students Sleep Birds Animals Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 457

You deserved it 2 906

Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 340

The Top

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 842

You deserved it 2 121

Today, after we had our daughter on purpose, then had twin girls by accident, my husband was going to get a vasectomy while I also decided to get my tubes tied as an extra precaution. At the appointment, they did a scan to make sure I’m not pregnant already… BOOM! I’m 7 weeks pregnant with twins again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 439

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 564

You deserved it 2 470

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 2 654

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 465

You deserved it 8 464

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 1 940

Creepy

Same thing different taste

Where am I?

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