Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML
Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML
Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML
Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML
Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML
Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML
Today, I went to meet a potential client at Starbucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other Starbucks. FML
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Top comments
DealerCamel 2
Well, don't speak your mind to strangers, then, I guess.
Ninjahippy 0
Meh? At least he got some honest customer feedback.
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Comments (117)
Broc 0
Starbucks coffee tastes like shit. It's like it's burnt or something.
Ole_Stinker 0
I like a good local coffee shop as much as the next guy, but if the local coffee shop sucks, you don’t have to go there, nor should you.
dwights 0
HOW IS THIS AN FML! PLEASE EXPLAIN!
Mwoehaha 0
Well, if you said: compared to... you wouldn't be lying and still be polite. Be creative, people!
beany212 0
Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
mattiscool 0
im not saying this is fake, but isnt it this similar from the FML a day or 2 ago? from when a guy was trying to steal jeans and then he told someone he was stealing it not knowing its the manager.
ffpoisongirl 0
Wow, way2subtle. Seriously though, that could have been phrased so much better. "No, I've lived here a while; I just happen to prefer Starbucks, and the line there was too long." Even if he weren't the manager, the manager could have been there and overheard. Hope you didn't drink their coffee; somebody probably spit in it after you gave them that gem of wisdom. And no offense other commenters, but that was definitely NOT constructive criticism. Saying something is crap doesn't tell them how to fix it; all it does is say somebody thinks it's shitty. If you were to say "The coffee is too weak" or "It tastes kind of burnt" or "It tastes like they use cheap grounds," THAT would be constructive. Otherwise it's just being a bit of a douche.
Calaura9 0
At least he wasn't cute...
jujube123_fml 1
i don't understand why you said the coffee place sucks in the first place... the person you said it to clearly likes getting coffee there if they can spot out someone that hasn't bought coffee there before... so really by making that comment to anyone in that situation, even if it hadn't been the owner, would have been rude.
frozen_heart 0
dude **** starbucks so overrated and so overpriced