Today, my mother cooked breakfast for everyone at my house. Then I later found one of my sex toys in the sink. I “casually” asked her what she used it for, and turns out she used it to make everyone’s scrambled eggs. She thought it was an electric egg whisk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML
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Top comments
TwoBytesCarley 27
Where exactly do you keep your sex toys, especially when you have a bunch of other people there?? If she’s able to find it anywhere but your bedroom YDI
Justkidding100 41
how did she even acquire it? if it was anywhere other than the kitchen (????) then she's crazy
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Comments (3)
TwoBytesCarley 27
Where exactly do you keep your sex toys, especially when you have a bunch of other people there?? If she’s able to find it anywhere but your bedroom YDI
DLBL 23
Seriously! Doesn't everyone keep their egg beaters under their mattress?
Justkidding100 41
how did she even acquire it? if it was anywhere other than the kitchen (????) then she's crazy
Brightside86 31
100% mom knew what she was doing and she's just sending you a message.