Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
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Top comments
ohcoolstorybro 14
Miami zombie is real
PlaidPanda 9
Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.
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Comments (361)
charvisioku 22
Well he has a point, there really is a lot of crazy shit going on. And if it's bath salts or similar causing it, you'd be better off with a bomb shelter - people go absolutely bonkers on that stuff. Not to mention they're really difficult to stop because they don't care if they get shot etc.
killdozer1 2
If they don't feel pain, then stop using your 5.56 rounds in American assault rifles. Use the stopping power of the AK-47!
nikkinurse 10
If that's really happening u should take him to emergency and have him assessed by psych!!
baubabe05 3
Well...at least you'll be prepared if it actually ends up happening loll
Bebbo_fml 21
At least your zombie people don't mail out their leftovers to congress.
felixthemaster 6
aww he cares enough to take the extra measures for you!
sporty1200xlr 6
I got my gun ready and a stock pile of ammo! Remember, the only way to kill a zombie, is with headshots!!
coldashell 23
Fire works equally well.
killdozer1 2
It takes several minutes to burn to death, and since zombies don't feel pain, they can spread the fire to other flammable materials and structures. Assuming your deployment method for the fire has not done so already.
aaliyahsagirah 5
Sorry, but people have been LOOKING for a reason to cry 'zombie apocalypse' forever, and take any excuse they can to start ranting about how it's happening. I don't believe that shit. Yeah, they had to shoot him a few times before he went down. Have you ever SEEN someone on PCP? Unless you shoot them in the head or somewhere VITAL, they don't go down. This 'bath salt' shit is a mix of LSD and chemicals that essentially shut down normal brain function. They don't feel pain like a functioning human. Sorry to break it to you, but all this guy was is an extreme drug addict on one HELL of a bad trip.
sporty1200xlr 6
The apocalypse to most people is just a joke, just because one or two people take it serious does not mean everybody else does. We gun owners use it as a fun conversation just to compare what gun would be best in that predicament.
raraisbang 12
And you can now buy zombie rounds ;) they're pretty nifty. You know. For killing zombies. :D
coldashell 23
Stocked up on zombie rounds. Good hunting ammo too.
COLDB3AR 6
Yeah? What about that guy that killed his roommate and ate his heart and brain?
TheDrudgeChild 4
106 - trust me, people actually believe it.
Levvy 22
175 - yes? What about it?
AsianCookie247 14
45 - oh my god that's so scary.. I believe that something is possibly happening soon if more people continue doing the drug, no so much a "zombie apocalypse" but some serious shit will go down if enough people get into that.
papabear88 6
tell him he should also build a nuclear bunker just in case North Korea gets naughty
anarchist884 9
Oh dear..... That's a special kind of messed up. Psychiatric help immediately for him and go find yourself someone less batshit crazy haha