Intimacy: Clenched

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 786

You deserved it 3 939

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Hilarious

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 271

You deserved it 4 006

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 039

You deserved it 2 967

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 297

You deserved it 5 061

Crack wars

By Grimmy - 17/03/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 841

You deserved it 9 883

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 728

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 729

You deserved it 879

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 596

You deserved it 5 192

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 903

You deserved it 6 510

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 440

You deserved it 806

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 340

You deserved it 2 811

GeekLogic 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

Fmypanda 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

**** your husband's life.

Comments

tman118 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 2:40

hot

kirakira333 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:04

nothings sexier than diarrhea in bed ;D

dangletsbang21 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:22

ahahaahahhaha

Doosam94 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:22

LOL

relaxdude 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:50

Let a guy smack you around and he get what he is . . . piece of SHIT

lil_ham1644 29

Monday 4 August 2014 17:06

Spanking is a bit different than being smacked around. Although, it's all relative; some people like extremely rough sex.

murphey13 9

Tuesday 2 September 2014 20:20

You're an idiot

zelly05 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:50

lol ewww FYL lmao

azurablade 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:26

YDI for havin diarreah.

ashhh42 0

Monday 25 October 2010 18:13

learn to spell fucktard.

ashhh42 0

Monday 25 October 2010 18:13

learn to spell fucktard.

cinnaluna 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:50

Isnt that what the bathroom is for...?

skyttlz 32

Saturday 11 December 2010 8:04

Who would sit on the toilet for a fart

jordenjay 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:57

ew so you shit yourself with a nasty wet fart to start it off lollll ewwwww

SecretAznMan364 5

Saturday 2 January 2010 5:19

HAHA!! Ever heard of Imodium. I think that's how it's spelled! You doo doo up on everything. Can't even hold it back!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 11 188

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 68

The Top

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 905

You deserved it 73 081

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 826

You deserved it 4 027

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 161

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 368

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 256

You deserved it 3 733

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 960

You deserved it 33 390