Intimacy: Clenched - FML

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 786

You deserved it 3 939

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

Hilarious

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 271

You deserved it 4 006

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 039

You deserved it 2 967

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 297

You deserved it 5 061

Crack wars

By Grimmy - 17/03/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 841

You deserved it 9 883

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 728

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 729

You deserved it 879

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 596

You deserved it 5 192

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 903

You deserved it 6 510

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 440

You deserved it 806

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 340

You deserved it 2 811

Next

Top comments

GeekLogic 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

Fmypanda 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

**** your husband's life.

Comments

heypeoplezzz 0

Friday 12 March 2010 20:23

Aww. Hope he didn't brake up with you xx

Funky_Daniel 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 17:36

I agree with #13. hahahaha

Anemited 0

Wednesday 18 August 2010 23:50

HAHHAHA that is amazing!!!

fefouile 3

Friday 15 October 2010 21:59

lol thats fkn nasty

kristi_nisbett 0

Thursday 21 October 2010 1:32

that sux but YDI kinda cuz u didnt just go to the bathroom when u felt u had to

Nadinek98 0

Wednesday 3 November 2010 6:14

wow ... Ur husband should write an Fml

wriptidez 0

Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:23

lmao toooo funny get better soon

JGoD24 5

Thursday 7 April 2011 2:23

haha did he get a surprise?!

Rasetsu 10

Saturday 30 April 2011 8:24

at least you're married to him.

ilovenoah 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 6:39

 enough said ;)

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 61

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a volunteer badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 156

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 128

You deserved it 5 751

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 939

You deserved it 6 435

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 616

You deserved it 2 395

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 413

You deserved it 8 873

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 873

You deserved it 2 661