Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh,...

By Anonymous - 24/4/2013 22:29 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

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Love

Understandable

Everyone's an expert

Peaky Bladders

By katurday - 3/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

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By GrossLump - 27/5/2019 16:09

Today, I was swimming at the beach. At the end of the day, I felt a huge hard lump in between my toes. When I looked closer and pushed on it, it sounded and felt exactly like a bean bag. I had a blister from the day before and it had filled with sand. I had to cut it open to pour the sand out. FML

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By ilovemybrother - 28/10/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

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By needmorelocks - 3/7/2012 05:36 - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

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By anonya - 28/8/2012 04:43 - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2013 17:27 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

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By teegtwo - 22/7/2014 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

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By Brock - 2/2/2013 21:20 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2011 19:48 - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

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By me - 20/4/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 19:10 - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

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By -bird-poop- - 10/10/2009 12:52 - Germany

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

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By melly - 14/12/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML

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By Ashley Youngman - 16/6/2019 20:04

Today, I spent five minutes shaking a bowl of Jello because it looked cool. FML

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By MaryJane - 7/8/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

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By Couch Potato - 2/10/2013 23:16 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

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By left alone - 29/8/2016 12:46 - United States - Schenectady

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

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By -__- - 28/10/2011 11:50 - Australia

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

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By chumleevil - 8/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2020 20:00

Waste moment

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 02:04

Life imitates art

Today, I had to sit through the film The 40 Year Old Virgin with my friends, who thought it was hilarious. I'm well over 40 and also a virgin. FML

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By rejected - 29/1/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

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By MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain - 30/3/2016 05:24 - Canada - Guelph

Today, I discovered that my Dad's family very much supports Donald Trump. They tried to convince me to support his campaign by donating money. We're not even American. FML

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By fuckedover - 26/2/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

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By Raw95 - 15/3/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

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By Adios Career - 26/11/2015 16:27 - United States

Today, a great job I have been wanting to apply for opened for applications. Turns out it requires a clean background with no credit issues. I recently got a notice saying my wife and I are being sued over an unpaid $140 medical bill that she neglected to pay. FML

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By Just Set Me On Fire - 13/9/2017 23:15

Nope.

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

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By SimpleSadie - 22/4/2017 16:00

Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

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By so romantic - 12/11/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

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By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

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By evanescence - 15/3/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

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By Ravenclaw/Puckwudgie - 9/5/2017 00:00

Today, I got a haircut and met up with a friend for lunch. Said friend then burst out laughing, saying my haircut made me look like Professor Snape. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2017 18:00 - United States - Peru

Classic Jeff

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

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By Marie - 27/7/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

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By good citizen - 27/11/2011 08:58 - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's ex. I decided to be a good person and hold the door for her as we walked into the store. She decided to be the bitch she is and stomp on my foot as she walked through the open doorway. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2012 06:47 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2018 15:00

Today, I fell and impaled my leg on a steel rod at work. The first guy to respond to my agonised cry for help must’ve been a total moron because he thought it was a prank and yanked on the rod to see how it worked. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to get a day off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 20:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

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Top comments

By CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5464255 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:28

What a tough crowd.

By bluerhhajfk | 17

#5464256 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:28

lmfao

COMMENTS

By CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5464255 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:28

What a tough crowd.

Bakarra | 22

#5464333 - Thursday 25 April 2013 10:22

They say everyone's a critic...

bluerhhajfk | 17

#5464455 - Thursday 25 April 2013 13:23

Did the party rock?

MDTeddy | 13

#5464878 - Thursday 25 April 2013 19:29

How can someone not enjoy that? Those people would not be my friends.

aldwin_fml | 6

#5467159 - Saturday 27 April 2013 7:13

I bet they were sorry for party rocking

By bluerhhajfk | 17

#5464256 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:28

lmfao

Bakarra | 22

#5464335 - Thursday 25 April 2013 10:24

Probably the first and only time this comment is acceptable in the history of FML

perdix | 29

#5464504 - Thursday 25 April 2013 14:23

#27, it reminds me of the FML about a vacuum cleaner which was the first and only time "That sucks" was a witty comment.

mif_fml | 27

#5464543 - Thursday 25 April 2013 15:09

Was there ever a time when "that's a shitty situation" was acceptable?

Bakarra | 22

#5464642 - Thursday 25 April 2013 16:36

#54 there was but the pun has become so trite it's not accepted around these parts anymore

NeatNit | 32

#5727772 - Thursday 24 October 2013 6:50

that's a shitty situation. lmfao that sucks lol

NeatNit | 32

#5727774 - Thursday 24 October 2013 6:52

that's a shitty situation. lmfao that sucks lol

NeatNit | 32

#5727777 - Thursday 24 October 2013 6:53

↑ if you don't vote this comment down you don't deserve this website.

buckstop1 | 37

#6386157 - Thursday 20 August 2015 1:03

I come from the future. And yes, this was the only time "Lmfao" was acceptable

By zingline89 | 18

#5464259 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:30

Ya gotta have the speedos....

By speedyw03 | 6

#5464260 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:30

A night to remember.

By KyraJFoxx | 14

#5464261 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:31

lmao...well that's just awkward.

ilovedinosawers | 17

#5465189 - Friday 26 April 2013 0:32

Lmfao*

By timelessone | 16

#5464262 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:32

Not enough alcohol at this wedding it sounds like.

AboveAll04 | 14

#5464304 - Thursday 25 April 2013 10:09

the husband was probably doing the rolling the dice move like in knocked up !

Bakarra | 22

#5464346 - Thursday 25 April 2013 10:30

They probably served wine coolers...I'd be a tough crowd too!

AshaaFerreira | 22

#5464704 - Thursday 25 April 2013 17:22

Must have been a cash bar wedding.

PenguinBitch | 43

#5464955 - Thursday 25 April 2013 20:27

Looks like you should hand them.........Shots shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY!!

gc327072 | 29

#5465065 - Thursday 25 April 2013 22:10

If you ain't takin SHOTS get the fuck out this...... reception....

By figmoomoo | 5

#5464264 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:34

Wow, must've been incredibly awkward...

By poetrywriter12 | 6

#5464266 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:36

Maybe they were shocked into silence by how great your dance moves were!

_DudeGuy_ | 16

#5465129 - Thursday 25 April 2013 23:07

Sounds awfully optimistic.

By ozpunker | 20

#5464267 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:36

I just LMFAO'd.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#5464472 - Thursday 25 April 2013 13:45

I just laughed my fucking ass off'd?

EwwOneDirection | 4

#5472785 - Tuesday 30 April 2013 23:51

I say lmfao'd when I want to say laughed instead of laugh. That's probably what they did. I say LMFAOing for laughing, though I don't really say either of those that often.

By kaet | 21

#5464268 - Thursday 25 April 2013 9:37

maybe your boob popped out and you didn't notice so they didn't laugh in case later, when you were watching the wedding video, you weren't like, "they're all laughing at my boob!"

but congratulations on getting married! and fuck those humorless bitches! you and your husband had fun doing it and in the end that's all that matters, especially on your wedding day!

Bakarra | 22

#5464379 - Thursday 25 April 2013 11:04

Gives a reason justifying why they might not have laughed, then calls them humorless bitches...