Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it was. He just paused, turned to look me in the eye, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
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Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML
Today, once again, my family had a loud conversation over the television show I was quietly watching. Ironically, the moment they watch something they like, even if it's a re-run episode, you have to be quiet or you'll be called a monster. Simply say "Hi" and they'll pause the TV to look at you like an annoyance. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, whenever my dad says something and I (genuinely) don't hear him, he repeats it in an extremely slow and condescending manner. My family says I should "get a sense of humor" because I'm rightfully pissed about this. FML
Today, I spoiled a TV show I've seen that a friend has started binge-watching by saying, “Episode 7 really did my head in.” His face turned from excitement to annoyance, and has vowed revenge, saying, "Great, I'm going to be anticipating episode 7 for the next few hours thanks to you, stop talking to me." FML
Today, my father is incapable of doing anything without cursing and swearing so loudly that the neighbours hear him. If I ask him what’s wrong or to stop swearing at inanimate objects, he starts yelling at me for "jumping all over him." I can’t win. FML
Today, for the first time in my 20 years of life, I heard my dad unironically say the f-word. I was so shocked by it that I became became practically frozen for a full minute, which is not a very good thing to happen when you're at work, and your boss is watching you. FML
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Top comments
broderickc 13
Your dad sounds awesome.
Superstitious 6
Shut up.
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Comments (153)
pedinhuh 23
Just be glad he's not farting on your face... ...yet
buffysummers 5
Half of what I say is Family Guy quotes. Your dad sounds cool.
MisUnFortunate 31
Just because you suck enough that half the shit that comes out of your mouth is copied from Family Guy doesn't mean OP's dad is cool. Family Guy is a hideous show.
rememberkids 14
Shut up Meg.
myeviltwin 20
At least he didn't fart in the car and then hold you down while saying "Love the gas Meg, love it". Yet :P
dohdohdoh 13
Yeah!!! Go sad!!!
Inked0803 12
Just wait till he sees Saturday night live then you're definitely in deep shit
randome101 12
Lol
Bernie1298 11
Well... Is your name meg?
fruitslut 11
DING! Fries are done!
Lil_pink 8
Lmao
miamiboi 3
It's funny how me and a friend we're watching Ted last night and we he had a conversation about some random person having sex with Mila Kunis and just says, "Shut up, Meg!!!" Then the very next day, this post is up