By Chelsy - Australia - Canberra

Can he fix it?

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1281

You deserved it

181

Favorite

Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk on the wild side

The grudge

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61326

You deserved it

3573

Favorite

By killmyself - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17308

You deserved it

46967

Favorite

By crazyman. - United States - Keller

TMI

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32552

You deserved it

4101

Favorite

By TheSentinel05 - 27/10/2020 12:01 - United States - San Jose

Jumpy

Today, my mom said my name and startled me so badly, I jumped and dropped the glass I was holding. She still isn’t speaking to me for breaking her favorite glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

884

You deserved it

192

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, for the third time this month, my family ridiculed me for being picky for ordering a burger without lettuce. They know I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1689

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By ladyofzanarkand

He doesn't even go here!

Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3984

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35322

You deserved it

2692

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3702

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous

Stoner Logic

Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3156

You deserved it

11124

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43605

You deserved it

5268

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16525

You deserved it

51727

Favorite

By Blue - France

Today, I bought myself an MP3 player. Later, I was laying in bed, listening to music and eating a bowl of cereal, when I went to move the bowl of cereal on the bedside table for some shut eye. I dropped my MP3 player into the leftover milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13328

You deserved it

29744

Favorite

By Zak - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12631

You deserved it

91610

Favorite

By ouch - Canada - Saint Marys

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30604

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By KenzFell - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28086

You deserved it

3031

Favorite

By cmart_9 - United States - Clayton

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60091

You deserved it

4456

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14002

You deserved it

1016

Favorite

By lunarclips - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12004

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1220

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28806

You deserved it

5728

Favorite

By sarah - United States

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39274

You deserved it

10132

Favorite

By stupid_world - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29660

You deserved it

3722

Favorite

By a_B_c_D_e_F_g - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61995

You deserved it

7574

Favorite

By Interview tragedy - United States

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13668

You deserved it

34863

Favorite

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1851

You deserved it

129

Favorite

By Woops - United States - Secaucus

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22780

You deserved it

47139

Favorite

By whut - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Thanks, I guess

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30618

You deserved it

3113

Favorite

By Joseph - United States - El Paso

Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21150

You deserved it

1863

Favorite

By depressed - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40153

You deserved it

3054

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ukraine - Poltava

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24951

You deserved it

3553

Favorite

By A-train - 13/9/2020 08:01 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Not now, mom

Today, it was supposed to be my wedding day. This is the second time we've had to postpone it. The first was due to COVID, this time the sudden passing of my fiance's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By crazytortise - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10514

You deserved it

1634

Favorite

By CantBlink - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26597

You deserved it

2690

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58058

You deserved it

14771

Favorite

By carpetoops - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21796

You deserved it

35464

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2159

You deserved it

265

Favorite

By shaunaaa - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34245

You deserved it

5318

Favorite

By Bella - United States - Sanford

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47035

You deserved it

7812

Favorite

By grossedout - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25853

You deserved it

2207

Favorite

By Anonymous - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28103

You deserved it

2361

Favorite

By Anonymous

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5241

You deserved it

715

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7842677 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 17:10

Can he drive a nail straight, if you know what I mean?;)

By skippydoda | 32

#7842625 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 14:28

If my SO went around screaming "YES, I CAN" at the top of their lungs then I'd be upset too.

COMMENTS

By Mathalamus | 24

#7842605 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 13:12

And that's bad how?

By skippydoda | 32

#7842625 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 14:28

If my SO went around screaming "YES, I CAN" at the top of their lungs then I'd be upset too.

By Kaneki Chiaki | 13

#7842648 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 15:35

Aww, that's cute.

By Aiden89 | 21

#7842650 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 15:46

Kinky role play, huh?

By WeirdUS | 29

#7842653 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 15:55

Does he legitimately try to fix stuff when he is drunk? That could be dangerous and exspensive.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7842677 - Wednesday 11 September 2019 17:10

Can he drive a nail straight, if you know what I mean?;)

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7842806 - Thursday 12 September 2019 5:55

Being interesting to see who he imitates after getting his "nail (too) bent." ;-)

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7842814 - Thursday 12 September 2019 6:51

And does he like having his helmet played with?

By Sashiee Chuu | 8

#7844666 - Thursday 19 September 2019 0:34

Can we fix it?

No, it's fucked :(