Can he fix it?

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 201

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 123

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 183

Stop talking!

Taking stock

You tried

03/12/2012 05:18

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 968

You deserved it 2 949

His house, his rules?

By kikajsns - 29/04/2021 07:59

Today, it’s been a week since my dad has decided I’m only allowed to sleep with my door open. Guess how long it’s been since I’ve slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 81

12/06/2016 13:33

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 075

You deserved it 928

31/08/2010 05:15

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 928

You deserved it 15 665

01/08/2019 09:00

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 320

You deserved it 200

12/01/2013 05:11

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 423

You deserved it 39 717

02/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite my protests and warnings, my mother-in-law decided to chemically straighten my bi-racial daughter’s very curly hair. Hours later, not only is her scalp is raw and red, her hair is stringy completely fried and coming out in huge noticeable clumps. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3 901

You deserved it 321

Orwellian nightmare

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 114

You deserved it 3 266

28/10/2015 22:16

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 343

You deserved it 1 908

19/11/2014 17:03

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 033

You deserved it 8 319

23/08/2018 22:05

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 431

You deserved it 206

29/08/2016 12:46

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 360

You deserved it 931

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 6 674

08/06/2010 16:07

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 505

You deserved it 7 517

31/10/2011 08:30

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 368

You deserved it 51 661

18/11/2009 21:01

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 371

You deserved it 32 013

03/04/2012 17:48

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 999

You deserved it 5 206

08/07/2015 11:01

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 833

You deserved it 1 889

18/09/2018 15:30

Today, I was finally cast in my high school play. As Violet. The gum chewer who turns into a blueberry. Does my instructor not know I'm a guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 496

You deserved it 320

18/10/2010 00:27

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 190

You deserved it 4 087

15/02/2013 04:30

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 509

You deserved it 9 172

01/05/2013 04:44

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 037

You deserved it 12 159

01/10/2013 12:32

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 067

You deserved it 3 992

01/01/2011 23:21

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 3 960

14/01/2011 19:43

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 646

You deserved it 121 355

19/09/2013 21:18

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 221

You deserved it 3 923

08/02/2009 02:31

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 467

You deserved it 51 143

15/09/2012 11:07

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 284

You deserved it 2 741

08/02/2011 16:27

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 3 732

10/03/2014 08:22

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 452

You deserved it 4 456

01/03/2010 02:15

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 10 950

20/11/2010 05:48

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 421

You deserved it 3 834

12/06/2013 03:06

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 772

You deserved it 78 050

13/04/2009 23:27

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 69 398

14/05/2009 14:11

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 576

You deserved it 56 664

26/08/2011 23:32

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 040

You deserved it 3 218

Lay the blame

By jobless - 13/09/2015 14:07

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed afterwards that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 414

You deserved it 2 780

28/02/2009 17:33

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 690

You deserved it 8 717

Inactive

By inbogota - 06/03/2021 15:30

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 133

14/11/2011 05:44

Today, my husband bought a new 80-inch TV. Not only can we barely afford it, but it also blocks our doorways no matter where we put it. He refuses to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 4 010

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 17:10

Can he drive a nail straight, if you know what I mean?;)

skippydoda 32

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 14:28

If my SO went around screaming "YES, I CAN" at the top of their lungs then I'd be upset too.

Comments

Mathalamus 24

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 13:12

And that's bad how?

skippydoda 32

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 14:28

If my SO went around screaming "YES, I CAN" at the top of their lungs then I'd be upset too.

Kaneki Chiaki 14

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 15:35

Aww, that's cute.

Aiden89 23

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 15:46

Kinky role play, huh?

WeirdUS 29

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 15:55

Does he legitimately try to fix stuff when he is drunk? That could be dangerous and exspensive.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 11 September 2019 17:10

Can he drive a nail straight, if you know what I mean?;)

jbuckets_404 38

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Thursday 12 September 2019 5:55

Being interesting to see who he imitates after getting his "nail (too) bent." ;-)

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 12 September 2019 6:51

And does he like having his helmet played with?

Sashiee Chuu 8

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Thursday 19 September 2019 0:34

Can we fix it? No, it's fucked :(