Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML
Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
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Top comments
UnofficialBlonde 0
you should say that whenever she chokes.
HANGtheFREAK 0
lmao that's like someone dropping on the floor having an epileptic seizure and then their mother going it's ok, she likes to fantasize that she's a fish out of water.
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Comments (89)
dawnie1001 0
Is that you Morgan?
aridawn 0
I think we have the same mother.
mojojojo826 0
lmfaoooo awww thats so funny but sad at the same time! sorry to hear that lol
lawdylawdylawdy 0
funniest FML i've ever read!!! need to meet your mum...
iammeanttolive 0
It's not stealing if you are going to pay for it. Anyways, next time just let your mother fall on the ground while she is choking on something and say "stop trying to get attention".
harlequeen 0
It is so rude to have open food containers in supermarkets.
kellster 2
1. Do you often choke to get attention? If so, then you can hardly complain about your mother's reaction. 2. Did you bring those chips from home or get them in the store? If you brought them from home, I'm surprised security wasn't all over you to prove that you'd paid for them. If you hadn't paid for them yet (or rather, if your mother hadn't paid for them yet), then that's theft. It's also just tacky to be eating in places that aren't designated for eating, i.e., Walmart. Were you touching stuff around the cash registers with your greasy fingers, too? Disgusting. 3. You sound like a spoiled brat. Why can't you have a little shop without needing to eat junk food? Couldn't you even wait until you got home? No wonder your mother was irritated with you. On the other hand, if you are a spoiled, attention-seeking brat, that's probably your parents' fault, so... this isn't really an FML no matter how you slice it. I pity the other people in line near you, having to smell your greasy food, potentially get besmeared by your grease trail, and then listen to you hacking up bits of chip while your mother grouses about you to the cashier.
abcdefgh_fml 0
first of all that was bitchy of your mom and i HATE when that happens (the inhale choking) AH it hurts soooo bad!
goosenotchicken 0
i quite literally LOL'd. btw, #38, way to overreact.
goosenotchicken 0
i quite literally LOL'd. btw, #38, way to overreact..