Today, I tried to impress my crush by ordering food in his "native tongue." He looked at me weirdly and said, "I'm from Ohio.” FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML
Today, I went through a fast-food drive-thru and gave my order in a perfect British accent for fun. When I got to the window, the cashier handed me my food and said, "I love your accent!" Caught off guard, I replied, "Oh, thanks a lot!" in my normal New Jersey accent. The confusion on her face was priceless. FML
Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML
Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML
Today, I suggested ordering Uber Eats and my new boyfriend looked at me like I was suggested kissing a warthog, then ranted about how he's "not paying extra to get wrong cold food handled by an illiterate brown guy." Okay then. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant and confidently ordered in what I thought was fluent French. The waiter stared at me for a second, then responded in perfect English, "Dude, this is an Italian restaurant." FML
Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML
Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
Today, I tried to sweet talk my crush by texting them in Spanish using Google Translate. I wanted to say, “You look amazing today,” but it translated to something like, “Your fish smells weird today.” They responded with a confused emoji and “¿Qué?” FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute cashier at my usual drive-thru. Instead of saying, "Thank you," I panicked and said, "I love you." Now I have to find a new favorite burger place. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
How’s that foot taste?
Ticonderogapencils 17
so I'm guessing you made an assumption based only on race. definitely ydi
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Comments (3)
Anderling 33
How’s that foot taste?
RichardPencil 32
Did he say "poosh," "feeshing" or "Sinsinnatuh, Ahiyuh?" Ohio-speak can be confused for a foreign language!
Ticonderogapencils 17
so I'm guessing you made an assumption based only on race. definitely ydi