Miscellaneous: Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and... - FML

18/12/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 593

You deserved it 30 702

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

26/02/2011 13:57 - United States

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 795

You deserved it 31 829

19/07/2012 09:01 - United States

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 016

You deserved it 3 018

30/05/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 983

You deserved it 65 637

07/05/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 197

You deserved it 2 616

27/05/2016 00:11 - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, I discovered the effect the cream has that my mom gave me. It was for my acne and it worked, in a way. Instead of having a lot of little pimples, I now just have a few gigantic ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 128

You deserved it 802

Beast Mode

By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 138

You deserved it 420

19/08/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Spicy

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 811

You deserved it 1 510

12/10/2014 16:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 721

You deserved it 4 359

12/04/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 749

You deserved it 9 536

29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 617

24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 002

You deserved it 10 913

31/08/2010 13:13 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 53 994

07/01/2012 14:07 - Canada

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 4 955

29/06/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 635

You deserved it 45 145

11/06/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 689

You deserved it 4 160

14/05/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 794

You deserved it 5 164

30/12/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 298

You deserved it 31 365

11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 797

You deserved it 64 362

13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 595

You deserved it 24 464

17/02/2010 10:49 - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 683

You deserved it 2 829

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 155

17/11/2011 12:43 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 891

You deserved it 2 359

15/12/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 466

You deserved it 4 851

16/04/2013 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 549

You deserved it 47 481

14/03/2011 07:32

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 158

You deserved it 75 245

05/03/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 148

You deserved it 2 482

06/01/2013 17:24

Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 8 791

15/10/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 588

You deserved it 11 674

04/04/2012 04:48 - United States

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 914

You deserved it 2 423

14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 004

You deserved it 15 187

05/08/2014 04:40 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 195

You deserved it 4 338

25/11/2012 06:56 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 333

You deserved it 8 060

Creepy

By lilmatchgirl - 04/05/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 118

09/08/2013 05:00 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 597

You deserved it 6 233

23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 924

You deserved it 4 776

22/05/2012 20:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 4 513

09/08/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 27 316

14/07/2019 04:30

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 230

You deserved it 152

23/10/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 876

You deserved it 5 010

17/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 897

You deserved it 4 460

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:42

Hey, it's me. I just want to say. I love you too And I will be coming by more often with and without pizzas.

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:40

I do that every time.

Comments

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:40

I do that every time.

princessbits 17

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:50

How do you get "I love you, boo" from goodbye?

HahaHokayThen 10

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:54

Everyone gets tongue-tied sometimes, not a big deal. Especially with someone as simple as a pizza guy (:

whyarepeopledumb 2

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:05

22- is your picture supposed to be a bunch of little kids as the jersey shore cast?

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:21

Stop watching porn, you not gonna get laid with the pizza guy with that line.

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:45

Everyone loves the guy that delivers our pizza!

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:51

Need a moment chew it over with Twix.

HahaHokayThen 10

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:55

33- yes, I think it's sad how the future generation is being deteriorated by them.

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:12

xD ^pure awesomeness xD

hinchkongfang 0

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:16

Why did you say boo? Are you a ghost?? BOO!! :)

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:25

67- boo: a term of endearment

LightningCactus 12

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Monday 19 December 2011 4:18

Everybody needs a little luvin'

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Monday 19 December 2011 5:16

Did he say i love you back?

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Monday 19 December 2011 5:27

Damn auto correct!

Banana_Pancakes6 0

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Monday 19 December 2011 5:44

Look around on Craigslist for a "Missed Connections", he might love you boo, too!

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Monday 19 December 2011 6:20

I called my friend Mama once by accident. And he's a guy xD We just laughed it off.

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Monday 19 December 2011 10:11

says the virgin

CalebEatsZombies 2

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Monday 19 December 2011 17:55

17 when your really high, but seeing as the op wasn't high, you have to be a complete dumbfuck

gdam 4

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Tuesday 20 December 2011 4:37

I'd only get that when he's hot

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:40

Maybe you'll get a discount next time ;)

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:46

Or maybe she'll just pay him in others ways... like a credit card!

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:48

^Your picture suits your comment. They both make me want to punch your face.

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:01

Well I can see my picture is working perfectly then

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:03

Indeed

lil_miss_katii 7

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Monday 19 December 2011 6:28

did he at least say "I love you too" ? haha seriously that sucks, gotta hate getting your words messed up

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Monday 19 December 2011 9:15

gotta hate when people nitpick over stupid shit..

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Monday 19 December 2011 9:28

Why are all the gorgeous girls in Canada?

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Monday 19 December 2011 9:30

Roevera I'm talking about you btw.

CalebEatsZombies 2

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Monday 19 December 2011 17:58

Roevera looks pissed in her picture? You mad bro!?!?!?!??!?!?'

woiz 11

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:41

u made his day

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:32

Your picture made mine

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:36

Mine too :D

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 19 December 2011 7:07

^ I read your comment in the troll voice of your profile pic.

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:42

Hey, it's me. I just want to say. I love you too And I will be coming by more often with and without pizzas.

HideouslyHuman 10

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:55

You supply dessert?

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:42

Cheese filled breadsticks

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:52

Whipped Cream filled Chocolate Log actually. Not for you though. But for my love I found today, by a simple door opening

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:33

I cum more often with pizza too.

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Monday 19 December 2011 4:10

Better bring pizza every time!

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Monday 19 December 2011 6:42

I'm sure you'll be delivering some big sausage pizza, too.

CalebEatsZombies 2

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Monday 19 December 2011 18:01

Don't forget the pepperoni stick they always forget the pepperoni stick. >_>

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Friday 25 July 2014 17:52

correct grammar would be great right here ...

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:43

Makes for a nice holiday season. Love to all

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Monday 19 December 2011 20:50

If he didn't say or do anything in response, he probably didn't hear you. If he walked away smiling, don't be suprised if you see him strolling in the neighborhood...

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:43

And then you two started making sweet love right?

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:26

They started to make a new pizza sauce. (I know, I know, it's disgusting.)

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:59

that sounds good, can I have some?

FUUUandyourmom 16

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Monday 19 December 2011 3:07

It's like a start of a really fucking bad porno.

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Monday 19 December 2011 4:19

Dear penthouse...

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Thursday 18 December 2014 4:54

#60 all you see in the picture is the black guys teeth and not his face hahaha SMILE

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:43

Don't be surprised if he comes to deliver you pizza every time you order now

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Monday 19 December 2011 6:22

Maybe OP will get a free pizza next time.

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Monday 19 December 2011 8:25

Don't be surprised if he comes without you ordering....pun intended

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Wednesday 21 December 2011 0:27

#7, I hate you.

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Thursday 22 December 2011 5:03

170- Do you think I freaking care?

DontModMeDammit 10

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:44

You have a stalker now..

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Monday 19 December 2011 8:39

She should've blamed it on auto-correct

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:44

Not sure how that gets confused with goodbye

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Monday 19 December 2011 5:19

Sometimes your mind goes blank and you say something else, while you were trying to say totally something different -____-

swinglifeaway123 8

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Monday 19 December 2011 5:42

She's used to talking to her boyfriend, ya derp.

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Tuesday 20 December 2011 6:40

Yeah, that makes total sense, she talks to nobody but her boyfriend. I totally understand now

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Monday 19 December 2011 1:45

That's when you pretend to have bluetooth

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Monday 19 December 2011 2:50

What if he finds out you don't really have one

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 16

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 435