Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML
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Top comments
jorvid 0
First of all unicorns is real, and you should be grateful that the unicorn even thought you were worthy of a compliment, you ****!
24788 6
What's wrong with having imaginary friends that you talk to?
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Comments (421)
amiss 2
How is he your boyfriend already if you don't even know him well enough to know THIS basic stuff about him? He's not your boyfriend if you're still just "dating."
ABDNR_x_13 0
hahahahahaha. wow. the worst part is.. i could use this. mine is exactly like this.. he DOES believe in unicorns ANDDD he is a bit.. 'odd' i feel yah on this.. don't worry about it. he's trying to be cute around you instead of a big tough guy. keep him (:
Kc_flapjack 0
If you don't want your boyfriend, I'll take him =3
exile529 0
i really don't see a problem here. sounds like a fun person to have a drink with though, hahahah.
LOLYLIF 0
Heh. My friend Kyle thinks you're an idiot, and he would know, being a griffin and all...
ultravioletbaby 0
I'm with #20.
ohekno 0
Haha thats the most original yet cheesy thing I'ver ever heard. How awkwardly adorable =) WHAT AN OXYMORON. Lucky you
hijihi 0
Nice Adventure Time reference! Also, the OP shouldn't be such a patoot!
BreezyPear 0
Where the hell did you find this guy?? The mental institution? Lmao, does he have a long-sleeved shirt that makes him hug himself??
jessindsey 0
unicorns get hurt when u say their not real.. they die a little bit inside each time you say they're not real. For example have you ever seen charlie the unicorn and those othet two unicorns on youtube. That is a perfect example that unicorns actually exist. Can you open you mind a little and just go with it.? (:
antar_fml 0
err ... how is that supposed to show your life's ****** up . Unless of course you admit your lack of appreciation of originality to be the problem ... btw , theoretically speaking ... the possibility of existence of unicorns would be the same as the possibility of god's existence . Having a believe doesn't make you crazy , more than half of the world's population would be crazy if that weren't true..... and for the record , i am an atheist and i don't believe in unicorns :P