Today, my coworkers surprised me with a bunch of gift cards to Panera, Chick-fil-A, Chipotle, and other nearby fast food places, as well as an "Easy Work Lunches" cookbook. When I reacted with shock, they said, "We're all so sick of you eating cans of sardines in the break room everyday. Please eat anything else." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML
Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML
Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML
Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
This is probably the nicest way they could tell you that you have been an arsehole.
poopface82 25
Your coworkers are saints. Please, for the love of Haile Selassie, listen to them.
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Comments (7)
smoochmysnoot 6
If you seriously eat cans of fish in the common area break room every day, you’re an asshole. You absolutely deserve this. Jackass.
poopface82 25
Your coworkers are saints. Please, for the love of Haile Selassie, listen to them.
FluffythePink 24
Nice way for them to say "you're an utterly inconsiderate arsehole. Please stop."
GoogieWithers 25
This is probably the nicest way they could tell you that you have been an arsehole.
d j mom 9
HAHAHAHA! But seriously, eating sardines every day at work is kind of rude. nit to mention your breath after.....
roryab 8
**** their lives it may be you favorite food or all you can afford but either way eatbthat shit outside and invest in breath mint or better yet bring a tooth brush as of right now you're a giant dick and your coworkers are being the nicest they can in the situation you are putting them all in then complaining about it on fml like your life sucks smh
TomeDr 25
It’s a pretty common unwritten rule to not eat fish at work.