By headache - 26/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

A good shower

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

The View

Freshman blues

By single pringle - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

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41797

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By dumbmotherinlaw - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

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12151

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By Drunk - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

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28082

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6400

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By Jem - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

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35842

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By Tori

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

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4408

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447

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By OweLotsaMoney - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

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47507

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12191

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

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43651

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By Holymoly - Netherlands

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10606

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39531

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By Tylerdirdin84

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1998

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135

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By gaga - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

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8937

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38912

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By wordmalfunction - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

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23074

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By auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28189

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1861

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By analinguist - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

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7896

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By DDubs - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

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31771

You deserved it

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By Glassless

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

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4056

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By minac11 - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

I am sorry!

Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML

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1695

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308

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

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24220

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By Lemonhead - United States

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

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29870

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

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28668

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1765

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By 30Jenna - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

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47646

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6281

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By OrangeTree12 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

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11150

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By Salliemae - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

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2807

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364

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By trollbot13 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

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12895

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By Anonymous

Today, while working as a waitress, an attractive woman sat at one of my tables. When she paid, I decided to be bold and write my number and "Call me" on her receipt. She put in a complaint to my manager. FML

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776

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

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32783

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3032

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By chill - United States

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

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25529

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4264

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By GrLifeusx - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

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31848

You deserved it

58306

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By tannerrosetx_1 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

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30017

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

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51030

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2802

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By OopsKid - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

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38206

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By fatty - Germany

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

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23658

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By :-O

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

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1964

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165

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By Fluory - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML

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30052

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3936

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

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45700

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4818

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML

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7624

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By xoragebaby - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37573

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

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By DumbFace714 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

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38702

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By Unlucky taxi driver

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3344

You deserved it

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By Emily - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

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23063

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Top comments

By shannon2348 | 14

#7869853 - Thursday 26 December 2019 22:08

I don't understand this at all. Why would the water going cold spook you? And what in the world does that have to do with your husband's gift?

By Wadlaen | 19

#7869878 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:36

Very confusing...
Need some clarification!

COMMENTS

By fjvitt | 14

#7869841 - Thursday 26 December 2019 21:27

Brain damage?

By shannon2348 | 14

#7869853 - Thursday 26 December 2019 22:08

I don't understand this at all. Why would the water going cold spook you? And what in the world does that have to do with your husband's gift?

Sinshine | 27

#7869875 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:13

Yea im super confused, too. How is the water getting cold or hitting your head a great Christmas gift?

alycion | 38

#7869891 - Friday 27 December 2019 1:17

Sudden temp changes in water have made me jump before. And the husband thought the incident was funny enough to count as a gift. Hopefully he made sure everything was ok before laughing. I’m a walking mess. My husband has learned to laugh at my antics like this. It was either that or living in a constant state of panic.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7869857 - Thursday 26 December 2019 22:12

Luckily you are ok...so many people die doing the exact same thing

By Wadlaen | 19

#7869878 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:36

Very confusing...
Need some clarification!

By Courtney McCracken | 10

#7870594 - Monday 30 December 2020 5:03

How are those two things connected?

By Whyjustwhy15 | 4

#7871115 - Tuesday 31 December 2020 16:49

By colombia_mami | 9

#7873945 - Monday 13 January 2020 3:44

What. Are you still “concussed”.