By headache - 26/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

A good shower

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

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Miscellaneous

The student becomes the master

Vultures

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By jacky tu - 16/10/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

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35990

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By birdsterrifyme - 23/3/2015 04:42 - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

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32056

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By - 9/1/2020 20:00

Winner

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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1968

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932

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By bam.93 - 14/4/2020 17:00

Creepy

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

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1377

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168

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By babysitter - 6/1/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

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28563

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14245

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By Unemployed - 17/9/2015 07:14

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

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24636

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By stupidteacher - 5/7/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

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14211

Phew, glad it wasn't me

937

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By Sarraahh - 19/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Mystery

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

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1872

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125

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By Agirl - 25/10/2012 23:44 - United States - El Cerrito

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

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33781

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By roommateprobssss:( - 11/12/2012 15:57 - United States

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

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By IneedMaury - 16/6/2014 15:30 - United States - Lowell

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

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56307

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6286

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By Username - 29/7/2011 21:35 - Netherlands

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

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42193

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By LagSwitchFTW - 25/1/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

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42929

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5982

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By unpatriotic - 4/7/2013 13:13 - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

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44266

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8009

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By mr_flarpin - 22/8/2012 00:37 - United States - Stoneham

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

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18188

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7507

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 17:39 - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

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39403

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By Uniforms - 29/3/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

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4448

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393

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 03:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

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26222

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1583

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By FuckedByLife - 12/2/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

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8793

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510

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By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 7/8/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

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50465

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2010 13:47 - United Kingdom

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

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28707

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By Hypocrite - 16/4/2017 12:00

Today, after giving my husband a ton of crap about the speeding ticket he got last year, I got a speeding ticket. FML

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2297

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By ari - 18/2/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

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35791

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2019 00:01

Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML

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1425

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By Victoria - 18/9/2019 06:00 - Australia - Perth

My name is?

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1300

You deserved it

385

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By Welshite - 3/4/2014 20:53 - United States

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

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35921

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3345

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By tara22 - 27/4/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

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72893

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By Username - 13/9/2010 01:38 - France

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

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37266

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2012 02:09 - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

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20650

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By Forgetful godmother - 14/3/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

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2067

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224

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By Me - 5/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10628

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

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10305

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

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25151

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By Downanout - 4/5/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

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1564

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215

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By anon - 25/9/2014 05:48 - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

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29804

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By FMluck - 26/2/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

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21453

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By Loser - 1/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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50516

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By airborne - 6/5/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

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56072

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By 4fingerdiscount - 13/9/2016 11:07 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML

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15265

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1853

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By princeronron - 8/9/2015 02:02 - Switzerland - Prilly

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

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25578

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Top comments

By shannon2348 | 14

#7869853 - Thursday 26 December 2019 22:08

I don't understand this at all. Why would the water going cold spook you? And what in the world does that have to do with your husband's gift?

By Wadlaen | 18

#7869878 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:36

Very confusing...
Need some clarification!

COMMENTS

By fjvitt | 13

#7869841 - Thursday 26 December 2019 21:27

Brain damage?

By shannon2348 | 14

#7869853 - Thursday 26 December 2019 22:08

I don't understand this at all. Why would the water going cold spook you? And what in the world does that have to do with your husband's gift?

Sinshine | 27

#7869875 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:13

Yea im super confused, too. How is the water getting cold or hitting your head a great Christmas gift?

alycion | 38

#7869891 - Friday 27 December 2019 1:17

Sudden temp changes in water have made me jump before. And the husband thought the incident was funny enough to count as a gift. Hopefully he made sure everything was ok before laughing. I’m a walking mess. My husband has learned to laugh at my antics like this. It was either that or living in a constant state of panic.

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7869857 - Thursday 26 December 2019 22:12

Luckily you are ok...so many people die doing the exact same thing

By Wadlaen | 18

#7869878 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:36

Very confusing...
Need some clarification!

By Courtney McCracken | 10

#7870594 - Monday 30 December 2020 5:03

How are those two things connected?

By Whyjustwhy15 | 4

#7871115 - Tuesday 31 December 2020 16:49

By colombia_mami | 9

#7873945 - Monday 13 January 2020 3:44

What. Are you still “concussed”.