Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Today, I warned my new boyfriend not to approach my ferret, as he is still quite young and bites when he plays. He ignored me completely because “animals love him”, and when my ferret latched onto his finger, he threw him across the room. Now I can’t find him anywhere in the house. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML
Today, I rushed to a job interview, but my cat rubbed against me, covering my suit in fur. I grabbed a lint roller, tripped over the cat, and knocked out a front tooth. I showed up sweaty, disheveled, and missing a tooth. I didn’t get the job. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
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Top comments
Mama_Umbridge 8
With your fancy new ferret earring?
yahoowizard 16
That's one way to shoplift
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Comments (89)
Mama_Umbridge 8
With your fancy new ferret earring?
onedayinamsterda 14
good thing u haven't started working there then.
Pentium_4 27
ferret's are more expensive than a lot of earrings too. FANCY
sweetdreams20 0
I donno OP you might have PETA after you
SiriusBlack97 17
I'm nothing like you.. I'm cool!
SecretlyADuck 7
Soo thats a no on that job i take it ?
Discombobulated9 12
You were actually given a good opportunity to prove you can handle animals that aren't always going to be cute and cuddly. If you felt you couldn't handle it, you're probably not good for the job.
gojira666 7
After Kindergarten Cop i can now only hear the word ferret said in an Arnie accent
shanemaximo 7
PETA would hate your new, and may I say fashionable, weasel accessories.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
You be a trend setter. I bet everyone's gonna have ferrets hanging out of their damn ears now
whyusofat 17
Ferrets, they'll **** your shit up!
nic7973 23
ouch!
Geekyandproud 19
Why did you steal Draco Malfoy?
yahoowizard 16
That's one way to shoplift
Doxy 22
He's obviously a master criminal.
JayJaysGirl 0
Yahoowizard: I love you...
tommyfox 19
Some merchandise is just IMPOSSIBLE to put down.
MonsterSlayer13 5
wow.... :l
loller27 6
why pick up the ferret?
LaughinStock 16
8 they are cute..I owned one and he would shit little mountains lol :). Then I'd try to pet him and he'd get all mad at me :(.
choshaki 8
If you get the job, you and the ferret will have a lot of fun!
mk58 31
The ferret was just testing whether you'd be suitable for the job. You failed the test.
ProhibitionRose 14
As adorable as ferrets are, I never let mine anywhere near my face as its safe to assume that ferrets that are sold in pet stores bite since they aren't handled as much as ones you'd buy from a breeder.
yummy_richkid 3
Your profile picture fits into this FML very well.
yummy_richkid 3
Oh. I just realized that it fits into the FML for two reasons. I was just reading the caption "At least you tried". But there are also puppies in the picture. Ha. I'm slow.
Pelreskovich 11
When you show anger you get fired from your job, when you get fired from your job you grow a scraggly beard searching for a new one in desperation. When you can't find a new job you eventually try the pet store and start taking in animals. Once you take in one animal you can't stop taking in animals.
Pentium_4 27
you're one sneaky Direct TV saleman
Pelreskovich 11
I put my own little twist on it! :)
Pentium_4 27
haha. you know what's funny is, i thought you made it up but knew the reference. then literally 10 minutes later i saw the commercial and went, "OHHHHHHHH!" your comment made the commercial that much more awesome!
Pelreskovich 11
I've seen that commercial at least 15 times and still die laughing, especially when he picks up the cat and is hunching down looking around to see if anyone saw him. LOL.
soupisyummy 13
Also, your grandchild could have a dog collar. Don't let your grandchild have a dog collar.
Saritazz 0
Bahahahahaha that is funny!!!! I was thinking in my head this sounds quite familiar :D
DQEight 8
Don't wake up in a roadside ditch.
foodlova 9
Fail.
olpally 33
Why bother commenting if you're just going to say one word?? You fail! Fyl op, I bet that hurt just a tad :/
DaKillaMafia 2
The visual of you walking out calmly with a ferret on your ear makes me laugh.